According to me.

remember when we didn't have a care in the world?

2012-01-22T19:01:00.003+08:00

and i would think about..

1. when i just put on whatever i like to the nursery and no one cared, that was over 15 years ago.

2. time kat pasum.

now my head is so clouded with responsibilities. and sometimes i feel strangled, choking, drowning. i wish social networks aren't important. i wish i don't have responsibilities. i wish.

dobi vs cuci tangan + FYP

2012-01-19T23:20:00.000+08:00

because recently i lost an emma tshirt andddd a towel andddd a hawaii lazy pants. im starting to doubt laundry.

Dobi
Pros	Cons
Tak membazir masa	Risk untuk hilang baju
Senang kering	Membazir duit
Siap lipat

Cuci tangan
Pro	Cons
Jimat duit	Membazir masa
Baju tak hilang	Tak senang kering
	Kena lipat sendiri

but my laziness still win. =,=

but im not that lazy la actually sebab i managed to construct a semi-good table (complete with cute pink and orange headings mind you) as per the current style of thesis writing. >.>

updates on fyp:

1. masa hari rabu masuk lab everything went super smoothly:

- prob was working
- i had ample time to read a fiction
- my readings were super satisfying
- i managed to finish before 3pm.
- just in time for my control lab at 3pm. i was a little late, but..
- the lab only took approximately half an hour.
- so! i managed to lepak around the library (sebab ada book sale)
- and felt totally at ease.
- what could go wrong, right?
- i was in a super good mood.

2. so today (thursday.):

- well, i’ve been better lah.
- to say it was a bad day, takdelah teruk sangat because i managed to collect 36 very valuable data from 12 samples.
- but i think even the probe pun dah penat by the time sampai the 7th sample so it went like so bengong and i had to do some adjustments to it. like a lot la actually (the adjustments). but it was both for my own and the probe’s own good la.
- so all in all, not bad.
- except there were some change of plans and i had to go get last minute bus tickets back home.
- was not much of a problem, except i delayed other people’s schedules and also my own as i had to leave my samples running for a while. so by the time i got back i was kinda rushing to get them all diluted and stuff. that’s when the probe became bengong.
- takpelah probe, kau pun penat jugak ya?

so good news: i only have 21 more samples to go! out of 87! you guyssss! TWENTY ONE OUT OF EIGHTY-SEVEN!!! ;DDDDD (words CANNOT EVEN BEGIN to describe how relieved i feel)

however by collecting datas for 87 samples, i’m not finished. im only halfway. i need to accomplish this part of the project in order to move to the ~~semi-final stage~~. no actually the third part is quarter-final. sebab after the third part of the project, there’s a part for characterization in which i will have to analyse my samples using BET, a method used to measure the surface area of solid samples and to determine what type of pores (micro, meso, or macro) my sample has.

actually maybe i should provide a flow chart on how my fyp is carried out for better understanding kan? i shall do it.

so with BET analysis as the semi-final stage...only then will i move to the final stage, which is: writing my report or the bigger word would be thesis lah. and with this project i will also (hopefully, with Allah’s grants) join a few more competitions. and with His grants also maybe win more trophies? hehehe. so this is all ada la hikmah dia kan.

Ermm. the title of my project is nonsense. haha. but basically i am preparing an adsorbent to remove ammonia (a dangerous toxic substance) from a real industrial wastewater. jealous tak? ;p

oh dear Allah, i’ll be so glad when this all is over. please help me through this, make them easier and i really need your blessings. please hear all my prayers n hopes, i am only but your humble servant and also a lowly diploma student trying to finish my final year thesis project. seriously, i tawakkal and serahkan everything to You. amin amin. amin ya rabbal alamin.

and i hope this open some eyes to what people in our faculty (Faculty of Chemical Engineering, UiTM Penang) does for our final semester. and what we aspire to achieve. well, one of them anyway. orang lain punya projects lagi gempak dari ni. this is nothing to what the rest are doing. and bear in mind we are only diploma students. hehe. (i hope people who are searching for info on the faculty find this stuff. thus the so formal faculty name in the brackets. err sejak bila reti promote uitm ni haha. actually, im promoting chemical engineering. another surprising fact considering i used to dislike chemistry during spm.)

nobody said it was easy, and no one ever said it would be this hard.

2012-01-17T18:25:00.001+08:00

1. pukul 8 masuk lab as usual.

2. semangat! wastewater dah prepare, shaker dah run sample, tup tap..

3. probe tak boleh on!

4. ha memang terbaik. kalau probe tak boleh on, dah mcam mana aku nak amek concentration ammonia aku?

5. hmm calibration dah sejam, nak amek concentration ammonia satu jam. experiment run tiga jam.

6. aku bajet pukul satu dah siap semua.

7. aku ada kelas pkul 2.

8. tup tap pukul 2 baru aku start amek reading ammonia concentration.

9. ha memangla aku sempat pergi kelas kan?

10. aku memanglah “suka” sangat ponteng kelas ni. ppffftt. dahla its the only time aku baca nota. erghh.

11. tengok sekarang dah kena baca nota at my own time. rather than paying attention in class and try to absorb everything. (walaupun mengantuk time kelas. standardlah student kan.)

12. banyak betul halangan.

takpelah, at least aku dapat amek 12 out of 87 readings yang aku perlukan. long way to go, but at least dah ada 12. alhamdulillah.

it’s not going to be easy, but it’ll be worth it.

to achieve something you never had, you’ll have to do things you never did.

A letter to Tirowne #1

2012-01-16T21:17:00.001+08:00

Wedding Highlight | Shahril & Iliana from Style Weddings on Vimeo
1. YOU MAKE ME WANNA GET MARRIED! HAHA2. thank u for giving me the link to this video, i really enjoyed it!3. I CANT STAND looking at you being SO PRETTY okay.4. and your house.5. and your kakak ipar.6. and your kakak ipar punya adik.7. and your bro. why does he look a little like adlin aman ramli?8. and why havent i met him before! i always saw your parents! haha9. and the wedding itself. gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous. brape kali nak ulang nii. gorgeousssssssss!10. i wish i made it to the wedding. so nice la. air pun warna biruuuu! hehe
11. AND Y U SO PRETTTYYYYYY.
12. can i borrow all the baju u wore to all the majlis? haha jk
i miss you! n i love you of course (:
ps: one day it'll be our turn, insyaAllah. aminnnnn :DDD

A letter to Domatito #1

2012-01-13T00:47:00.002+08:00

Assalamualaikum sahabat dunia akhirat (:

hai! aku baru lepas habis test ni. terus teringat kt kau. tak tahu kenapa, tapi rasa mcm nak call tapi fon maxis aku mcm dah xde kedit. lepastu fon celcom aku xde battery, and aku rasa charger dia tertinggal kat umah sebab it simply cannot be found. haishh. so if i’d called you tadi here are the things i’d tell you:

1. tadi test patutnya pukul 8.30 malam..pastu lecturer aku lambat sampai pukul 8.41 baru start test. dahla aku semangat gila pukul 8 dah sampai kat tempat exam. bangga tak ada kawan macam aku semangat nak pergi test? hehehehe

2. test dia ok lah. ada kawan aku tak sampai sejam dah tinggalkan exam hall. i was like whaaaaa~ bapak terer gila kau cepat gila siap? aku tulis jawapan aku laju2 dah pqa, budak tu jugak yang siap dulu haha. aku tak kesah la pun sape siap dulu, aku just pelik sebab if i was writing that fast, then how fast was she writing? aku mcam ni o_o and like serious terkejut gila sebab selalunya aku and kawan aku ni akan habis jawab any paper at almost the same time. so this time i was positively stunned haha

3. tahu osha tak? occupational safety and health? ha tu la subjek test tadi. subjek ni cerita pasal rules and regulations about occupational safety and health. at some points its fun sebab ada include bio sikit2, so aku macam excited gila. truthfully i miss learning bio. asek belajar and bercinta dengan kalkulator je lima sem aku kat sini! tiba2 dapat belajar bio SIKIT SIKIT so macam aku happy la sikit.

4. sem ni subjek aku SEMUA membaca. i dont mind, sebab they’re kinda fun actually. ada 5 subjek, empat tu membaca, satu lagi fyp. ko tau tak fyp tu apa? final year project? hehe. yang ni ada membaca and ada praktikal sebab aku kena masuk lab hari2. tapi yang lagi empat tuhhh..walaupun KINDA interesting tapi jenuh gak la kalau smpai 4 subjek baca kan. tapi nak compare ngan student medic..takde subjek calculation langsung lagi dashat kannn. hmm, aku tak tau la for how long i can go on tanpa benda kira2 ni. although im not that good at calculation subjects, tapi otak boleh jam sikitla bila tiba2 takde subjek kira2 langsung hehe. but im kinda enjoying the other subjects. walaupun tedious but i need to get all A’s to boost up my cgpa. sooo nak tak nak kena jugak la kan suka? supaya boleh score hehe. ni pun bila dah test rasa cuak kalau tak dapat score. tapi takpe, kite tawakal je la kan. (:

5. em kalau kau nak tau, application untuk ke degree for diploma/matriks/foundation students dah open. truth be told, aku tak tau nak pilih uni mana im going next. okay actually aku tau what i have to do, but i wish i can make other choices. cerita dia macam ni: kalau dah apply uitm, takleh apply uni lain. aku ingatkan nak apply um ke, ukm ke, utm ke (faculti chemical engineering) tapi sebab orang kata sehebat mana cgpa kau, if kau dari dip, chances nak masuk uni lain tu susah amat sebab competition from the matriks/foundation students. so i think i’m going to opt for uitm je la kot. kalau uitm, aku akan masuk penerapan, teruk masuk 2nd year. kalau uni lain, too much uncertainties. ada senior aku cgpa hebat lepastu dia xdpt uni of his choice, dy kena campak tah ke mana2. i dont want the same happening to me. kalau xdpt all the top unis, uitm pun ok lah kot. besides, i have the backup plan kan. so i just hope everything works out la. pray for me k (:

6. nak cakap, haritu aku hantar baju kat dobi (sebab ampaian sini kurang best, susah nak tunggu kering so aku hantar dobi je baju) pastu ada sehelai baju tu aku baru beli. pastu hilang T_T uwaaaaa. tahu tak baju tu special sangat sebab baju tu agak serupa dengan sehelai baju yang emma (watson) ada pakai. aku suka sangat baju tu. aku rasa baru pakai sekali jee. pastu sekarang dah tak dapat pakai. the worst part is..masa tu aku naik bas (pergi kelas kat luar kampus) pastu ada sorang minah ni naik bas yang sama..pastu baju yang dia pakai exactly macam aku punya yang hilang tu! pastu dia duduk depan seat aku dalam bas! waa sedihnyaaa! aku wondering all the time where did she get that shirt..did she buy it, or did she accidentally found it in her dobi bags? mana tau dia hantar dobi jugak ke and it got mixed up T_T tapi aku tau tak baik fikir mcm tu, so i let it go. but i’m still sad sebab baju tu dah hilang. tsk..

ada banyak lagi benda nak cerita tapi aku dah penat ni, esok nak masuk lab kejap pastu nak study for tomorrow’s test. wish me luckk! (:

ps: i love you.

pps: ara guna fon baru ea? ask her to frequently check her whatsapp, she’ll know what i mean.

ppps: goodnight darll. sweet dreams (:

things that make me feel..

2012-01-08T00:34:00.002+08:00

1. lazy

bila semua document untuk application aku tiba2 dah xde dalam pen drive. jadi bila aku tergerak nak buat application baru and nak upload all the docs (like personal essay and resume) dah xde, mana aku nak dapat semangat balik menulis all those things? kau jawab sekarang mana pergi all the documents. aku rasa dah kena makan virus dekat pc lab analysis masa aku buat ftir haritu la. PENDRIVE KENA VIRUS. NOTA FYP AND EVERYTHING HILANG. SEBAIK DALAM LAPPY PUNYA ADA LAGI. pffft. kau jawab jugak macam mana aku nak tulis personal essay yang baru? the whole thing sekali je tahu tak dalam setahun untuk buat essay macam tu. that stroke of inspiration untuk tulis essay macam tu bukan datang hari2 tahu tak. ni yang buat aku malas ni. pfft. (nanti asna mesti tanya pfft tu apa. pfft. haha)

2. sinful

ada seorang makhluk di twitter yang really get on my nerves. mula2 tu macam fine dia tgh happy with the boyfriend siap ber pda macam s**l kat twitter ingat ko sorang je ke ada boyf yang ada twitter hah. orang lain pun ada tapi xdelah macam kau dahla suke mencarut. aku taktau kenapa aku baik hati sangat nak follow kau balik. maybe sebab dulu kita satu sekolah kot. courtesy of being in the same batch. sorry, but i just dont like the way you bring yourself. dengan dp nampak cleavage ape sume. GELI LAH WEI. dahla diri sendiri berdosa, tambah dosa kat orang lain lagi (macam aku). memanglah mcm kenapa aku pergi tengok gmbr kau tu kan but seriously terang benderang lah wei nampak. pfft. benci sungguh aku tengok gambar tu bikin panas je. pastu sekarang ko dah clash and ko mcm meroyan bagai nak rak ape sume. ko ingat orang tak menyampah? tengok free2 je tambah dosa kutuk kau. urghhhh. kenapa ya aku dah unfollow kau tapi tweets kau masih muncul kat timeline aku? eeeeee rasa cam nak block je. i hope that kau get back to the old you yang tak merepek macam ni lah wei. put on some nice clothes la. haih.

3. exhausted, but relieved.

fyp dah ada improvement. daripada tak dapat data langsung sebab experiment asek kena tangguh and fail, sekarang dah ada raw data and boleh build next step. alhamdulillah sangat2.
applications dah siap hantar ke sana. alhamdulillah.

4. happy

katil aku sekarang mcm sumpah comfy gila, tak tahu kenapa. maybe sebab baru tukar cadar kot, so dia rasa macam baru sikit. lepastu sekarang taktahu kenapa mr jagung feels sangat comfy than most days. i just wanna hug him all the time. macam taknak lepas. macam nak pergi buat lab pun nak bawak dia tengok how the ammonia probe works. tapi tak boleh, nanti mr jagung akan be contaminated with all the harmful exposed things in the lab.

5. worried.

duit menang kat naces haritu tak masuk lagi. seriously patut ke aku contact dorang? dahla tak dengar khabar berita langsung sejak haritu. kalau tak contact, aku risau la duit tu entah2 dia termasuk kat akaun orang lain ke apa ke. kalau contact pulak rasa cam menggelabah je belum pape dah tanya macam2. hm biasalah kot kan? mana pernah aku dapat duit2 ni hahah.

6. annoyed

boys yang tak respect girls. certain classmates of mine memang macam ni sifat dia. i dont know what his problem is tapi seriously, dengan orang yang dia suka kemain geli tapi bila dengan classmate like seriously ko ni sumpah menyakitkan hati. aku fahamla dengan orang yang tersayang tu ko nak bermanja manja geli geli ape sume. but shouldnt you treat people nicely? entah pape tau layan orang macam orang tu sampah. sangat2 tak baik. kau ingat kau tu bagus sangat ke. nyampah betul. dahla kau tu suka buat statement yang macam alah aku konfem dekan (pastu time dinner dekan tak nampak pun batang hidung ko yang besar tu) and alah maths aku xpernah xdapat seratus (pastu masa test fail jugak.) dah tu yang ko stuck masuk diploma kat uitm ni kenapa bangang. kenapa kau tak pergi study kat uk ke us ke apa ke macam amalina bakri tu siap nak publish journal and buku dah. mulut je kencang. hmmph. ok senanye aku dah lama panas ngan mamat ni. sebab tu sume benda yang aku tak puas hati ngan dia dapat disimpulkan in a very simple, short paragraph. sekarang rasa lega that all of them is out. and since he doesn’t know i have a blog (hopefully) so this stays between you, me and this blog. tak payah nak confront mamat ni pun sebab he’s one of those people yang if you argue with him, you won’t ever win. and that’s just a waste of precious time.

7. happier

reconnecting with S.P.A.M. heeeeee! tunggu masa je ni nak jumpa. (:

(finally a smiley. hehe)

8. happiest.

listening to my current playlist. especially yang sami yusuf tu. lagu dia best sangat sampai aku ter-nyanyi dalam toilet T__________T TERUK KAN AKU NI. ASTAGHFIRULLAH. will try MY VERY BEST not to do that EVER AGAIN. tq pqa sebab introduced me to him. besides sami yusuf tu boyce avenue pun. boyce avenue ni pulak asna yang introduce. sekarang jatuh hati dah. kalau dengar lagu dia je mesti rasa cam nak cair haha. like dedua mamats ni memang my current addiction. seddaaaap gileer lagu2 mereka. heee ((((:

9. most happiest.

time spent with asna. considering how busy we both are now.
calls on the phone to home. hihi

“ma, semalam masuk lab kul 8 pagi pastu balik kul 10 malam penat sangat ma.”
“oh yeke takpe harini tido lah takyah buat pape.”
“oh xleh sebab next week ada presentation, assignment and test taktau bila nak tido.”
“hmm itula namanya final semester. hahaha nak buat macam mana kan.”
=_______________________=’
thank you for the reminder ma. hehe

assalamualaikum. tak jawab dosa, kalau jawab saaaayang. hihi

feeling a little honored..

2012-01-07T11:44:00.000+08:00

got this from insyirah and err my name was on top of the list. was i really the 1st person you thought of? so sweet la, haha. im not tagging anyone though, unless pqa..or wana or thira? (ehem..these are the 3 people i know who read my blog regularly heheh) korang nak buat? you're very welcomed (:

You must post this rules in your entry.
Each person must post about themselves in their entry.
Answer the question than tagger set for you in their post. And create eleven new questions for new people you tagged to answer.
You have to choose eleven people to tag link them on the post.
Go to their page and tell them you have tagged HIM/HER.
NO TAG BACK !
No stuff in tagging section ''YOU ARE TAGGED IF YOU READING THIS''.
" YOU ARE LEGITIMATELY'' -a.k.a REALY , TRUST , WITH ALL HONEST- have tag eleven people.

1. 11 facts about this blogger.

i miss wearing pinafore to school. last time masa darjah 2 =,=

i can bake a killer chocolate lava cake ;p

i have an intonation problem. things i want to say always come out wrong.

if i have a daughter one fine day, her name would be Emma ;p

currently addicted to Boyce Avenue

i have an affinity towards Hello Kitty and pretty bows

i can eat a lot. i'm a very useful companion to a buffet restaurant. :D

my parents have a very heavy/big influence on me.

i have zero ex(es)

i enjoy writing very much.

sometimes i can't help but embarrass myself in public. :/

2. Questions from Haziqah Halimah Yahya

what is your favourie place to go? home.
do you have pet? what is it? cats. but they're not really mine, they dont respond to my meows :(
exposed to the public or undercover? which one you prefer? i really dont get this question.
apple or windows? both pun useful.
where was your birthplace? petaling jaya.
your favorite food is...? all food! ;p
do you support 'No Plastic Bags Day'? yep! have been since i wrote about in my essays for est during high school. :D
what is your favourite school? seseri. (:
what brand do you like the most? esprit.
have you ever regret of doing something? what is it? even if i have, dah lama lupa and move on.
do you love yourself? yes, how else would i get people to love me? ;p

4. tagging part (where did no 3 go?)

asna, u nak buat? haha

a reply letter to domatito, from the city of pearls

2012-01-02T18:02:00.001+08:00

city of pearl - penang

waalaikumsalam..kenapa mawar islam ya? ana musykil hehe.

if you must know, i do exactly the same. kalau ada masa free mesti aku bukak blog kau jugak. nak tgk benda alah ape la yang ko merepek kat blog kau tu. aku pun rasa its the only way for us to know each other's perkembangan. serious la ko macam salu je borak ngan mum? jelesnyeeeee.

you're right. aku selalu kesuntukan masa nak buat apa2 sekarang ni. busy ya amat. tapi none of that should be the reason aku jarang contact kau actually. takpe, keep reading my blog eh? memang aku update pun untuk kawan2 rapat yang still care for me, people like you who read my blog just to know whats going on in my life and how im doing. i know very precious few who does that, and orang2 ni la yang aku treasure sangat2 in my life.

tiba2 teringat time ko tulis surat masa hantar cardie dulu. eh! dah dekat setahun kan aku simpan cardie! hehe. aku dah lupa bila aku patut post kat err sape pun aku tak ingat dah. does anyone still remember? :p

emm senanye there were quite a number of times aku pergi area klang. in fact baru kelmarin. and a few other times when aku balik rumah and balik penang, aku naik bas kat klang sentral. selalu aku nampak signboard nak ke hospital tempat ko n ara posting. tapi selalu tak kesampaian hajat aku sebab ada je benda yang aku kena buat. bape lama dah kite tak jumpa ya? rinduu sangat.

aku takleh janji apa2, but bila ada weekend free and ko pun ada kat hospital, nanti aku pergi ya. kalau tak pun, lepas aku habis dip nanti bulan april aku akan cuti sampai september. kalau aku tak payah pergi plkn, masa tu ada banyak masa kita nak jumpa. insyaAllah. (:

rasa segan bila kau borak pasal aku dengan mum. its nothing much, rezeki Allah nak bagi. ramai lagi orang lain yang more successfull than me. i just grab whatever chance i have. alah yang kau ngan ara tu nak jadi doktor, si mum pulak nak jadi ahli fizik..tak hebat pulak la kan. salute gila ngan korang. alhamdulillah kite semua is doing something good kan sekarang? atleast ada dalam uni, agama terjaga. best ada kawan macam korang. allhamdulillah.

aku taktau nak tulis ape dah. tapi aku terharu sangat ko sampai tulis surat mcm tu. hee. kalau aku ade depan ko skrg mesti aku mcm berlinangan air mata sikit (hahaha) and macam malu2 nak pndg ko. eee apela ko ni buat aku segan je ;p aku mana reti benda2 feeling2 macam niii. aaaaa ;p

thank you so much for all the kind words. nanti when the mood strikes i'll write more letters to you. of course this is not the first and last one! hehe

for now i have a test coming up, and i had to write this first baru aku ada mood nak study nanti. i miss you and the rest of us very much.

ps: i love you too. :,)

pss: i WILL text you. please wait patiently. (:
psss: camne ko tau pasal result aku? and all the things yg ko tau? haha ;p

terrified, but..

2012-01-02T00:37:00.002+08:00

i can't leave, can't back down.

everytime fikir pasal fyp ke application ke test ke rasa macam takut sangat and macam nak nangis je. rasa mcm ya allah boleh ke aku buat semua ni. takut sangat. idk how long i can sustain positive thoughts. aku xtau berapa kali aku dah bgtau myself supaya dont think too much, just go with it. aku taktau dah bape banyak kali mama cakap ngan aku buat slow-slow, buat satu-satu, shasha boleh buat. aku taktau bape banyak kali dah asna cakap ngan aku not to worry, dia ada if anything happens. yes i know. but sampai bila lah wei aku boleh fikir positive macam ni.

no matter how hard i think im going through some stuff, something worse come along. like, when are things ever going to get easier? ;(

aku tiba2 rasa down sebab esok ada test hr. aku tak study apa2 lagi and subjek ni 100% membaca. lecturer pulak seorang yang ada title dr. so aku bajet soalan dia memang akan buat aku nak nangis. dia sedar tak aku xde mood nak study kat rumah, dia sedar tak aku xde masa pun nak study kat rumah sebab aku nak rehat, sebab aku rasa penat sangat kat penang. :(

aku dah try seikhlas and se-positive mungkin everytime aku masuk lab untuk buat fyp supaya aku x rasa penat. tapi aku rasa lagi banyak aku try, lagi teruk jadinya feeling aku yg sebenar. aku nyampah dengan probe ammonia analysis tu. semua nak rosak. pastu leceh sangat nak guna. kenapa kena macam ni, aku penat nak fikir positive dah :(

all i know is that aku xleh give up atau malas. kalau kat rumah takpe sikit, sebab aku rasa i deserve it. kalau kat kampus aku takleh malas. langsung. sebab nanti apa pun tak jalan and aku akan rasa menyesal and marah sangat dengan diri aku. tapi masalahnya sekarang ni seawal mana pun aku masuk lab, kerja aku tetap tak siap. semua pasal probe ammonia analysis tu. sangat mencabar kesabaran aku. sometimes aku rasa mcm nak baling je probe tu. tapi kalau aku baling jap g benda tu rosak pulak. kalau rosak, langsung aku takleh run experiment. xleh run experiment, silap2 aku kena tukar topik fyp. ni paling aku xnak sebab aku dah print a whole lot of journals pasal benda tu. at this point, i just refuse to start from scratch again.

benda fyp ni yang banyak buat aku down actually. sebab result tak consistent, experiment tak teguh langsung steps dia. so dengan benda2 yang tak solid tu, aku rasa malas nak write anything about it. and i dont want to be telling my supervisor all this. it just shows how sucky i actually am :(

lately aku tengok kat fb semua nak post benda islamic. sikit2 xpe tapi bile dah semua benda pun nak condemn habis tu nak pijak tanah kat mana? nak tulis blog cerita pasal everyday life pun disebut salah. apa masalahnya. :(

and pasal budak upsi tu aku pening sangat and aku cukup menyampah semua kutuk kerajaan. im not on anyone's side but bodohla kalau semua nak condemn. kerajaan jugak bagi duit ptptn, duit jpa, elektrik, air, internet semua. tu pun nak marah2 ke. tak payah nak emo sangat pasal budak upsi tu la. biar la dia sendiri berani buat berani tanggung. lagi banyak orang post pasal budak tu, lagi malas aku nak amek tau pasal benda tu. masalah sendiri pun x boleh nak settle, ni pulak nak amek tahu hal kerajaan and pelajar upsi. sedih betul la.

sebenarnya aku tak emo pun, tapi bila all these things dah keluar, nampak cam emo pulak. what a great 1st of january kan.

terima kasih la test HR yang memburukkan keadaan. tak bagi can langsung naik cuti terus test. ;(

actually silap aku jugak sape suruh tak allocate masa untuk study and merajinkan diri untuk study. ni yang tambah sedih ni :(

pastu asna dah tido awal :(

banyaknye sad face dalam post ni. xbestnye :(

new year.

2012-01-01T09:37:00.001+08:00

assalamualaikum.

hm, im not big on this new year thing but. i decided to makeover my blog a little. i cant seem to runaway from pastel colours lah.

i made my own bg using paint. just a nice simple one i made it within 5mins haha.

i just googled colour block and this was the first picture i saw and mcm i got really attracted to that colour. hee. can u tell which colour block dress i got my inspiration from? :D

here's to hoping its going to be a better year, insyaAllah. (:

in another life,

2011-12-29T00:14:00.002+08:00

i'll still be your girl. (:

pilih kasih.

2011-12-25T21:02:00.001+08:00

ehem.

harini aku nak cite about my two teddy bears. satu teddy, satu koala. mr. jagung (mick jagger) and kenny (rogers.) dorang ni dedua kadang2 macam adik beradik tiri pun ade. sebab yang sorang salu ikut ke penang (dan kemana sahaja actually kalau aku travelling) and lagi sorang salu kena tinggal kat umah.

ade sebab2 die. bukan aku saje2 pilih kasih tau kat mick jagger ku. sesungguhnya, ia adalah the better bear sebab lagi best untuk dipeluk (primary reason.) tengokla kenny tu..ada boomerang! time tengah tido pun dia main2 lagi dengan boomerang tersebut, salu terhantuk di gigiku. memangla tak sakit, tapi..ha padanlah muka last2 xde orang nak tido ngan dia sebab boomerang dia tu.

nak dijadikan cerita, mr. jagung ni memang peneman setia daku ketika susah dan senang. (senang tu waktu tido la sebab memang selalu jadi peneman.) kawan2 rapat aku kalau tak kenal mr. jagung memang nak kena hempuk tau. semua kenal dia. hee.

tengoklah bukti2 ni. Em. asna perlu pay attention

peneman isi application form yang sesungguhnya banyak and leceh

peneman baca journals fyp yang boleh tahan “best”

peneman baca buku2 ilmiah untuk bakal engineer

sampai tertido atas pencil box, lampu pun tak tertutup.

very hard working tau mick jagger ni. sayangnyewwww hihik.

so mana kenny?

minum air. sebab penat main boomerang ;p

berdandan with my sikat. ;p

tengok! tengok sampai macam ni tauuu. pakai cekak orang.

sekarang which is the better teddy bear? yang suka main2 ke..yang selalu teman kita waktu susah?

mr. jagung jugak yang baikk. hehehe.

tapi at the end of the day..

tido same2 jugak, mr. jagung siap peluk kenny lagi. hihi. omelnyewwww. ngee.

dream a little dream.

2011-12-14T08:30:00.001+08:00

i feel a little on cloud nine.

haha!

ok 1st of all sebab i got my ielts result and like it was literally jaw dropping coz that’s exactly what i did. i dont know how i managed to get 8.5 for listening when i don’t have a clue what i listened to masa exam haritu lol. i heard february instead of february. but thats just for listening la kan. the whole thing is an average of marks on listening, reading, writing and speaking altogether. honestly err muet haritu for me was lagi dahsyat dari ielts. (sebab i kinda cacatkan my muet lol and i was really envious of pqa masa tu sebab dapat band 5. old times. hee.)

and then right after that asna finally let me spend some moolah on membazir things like kipas (untuk time kepanasan) and then a new cute rabbit case for my phone, and then some other unnecessary (i’ve been trying to spell this word like 5 times =,=) things like (i have forgotten what i bought.) lets see oh yes. i new multicolour hello kitty pen. and a new hello kitty specs case (my old one the fabric coming out already )

so i guess when i finally get a green light like that i got reaaaaaaly happy. sebab dah lama tak merepek macam tu. (bad habit, but reaaaaaly dah kurang buat kerja tak senonoh (membazir) macam ni lol.) but i did get some necessary stuff la. takpayah mention pun haha.

but one realllyy necessary thing i didn’t get for myself: the new evanescence album.

crap because its tooo expensive. seriously! and its not even like the complete cd case. last time during the 2nd album pun it wasn’t the complete cd case but there was a reaaallly cool free gift and it wasn’t as expensive as this one. just great kan. i wait for two month since the album’s release in the us untuk sampai ke malaysia and suddenly it is ssoooo pricy. but actually i just looked at that one shop la. i didn’t go survey at other shops because i was mcm upset gila harga dia macam tu, and then terus lupa pasal tu untuk go survey at other shops.

why do i smell orangesss. dah lama tak makan orangesss.

just another thought: do the us universities i sent my application to google my name? just to see if im not a cave woman or something trying to get into their unis?

im nottttttt! im a very normal 20 year old. who needs a scholarship. and your degree to get a good job and be married nicely and have a nice car.

oh wow. i just remembered what this post was for.

i was reading my current fav blogs. and they were all talking about engagements! aaaaa! it made me think about my engagement and that’s why the post title is dream a little dream. lets see my currents fav blogs and let me tell you what they are about. 1. adriani adnan – was blogging about maria elena’s engagement to datuk. 2. vivy yusoff got engaged to dean. and 3. one of teh wahida’s sisters got married. and 4. yes, maria elene dah update herself about her engagement. soooooo nice tau baca all these posts (: its like a whole pot of rainbow and gold stars.

aku baca semua blog ni macam aku baca buku actually. that’s why aku sebut nama2 dorg ni macam nama character dlm buku. but anywayssss why are they all talking about marriageeeeeeee. aaaa.

makes me go all dreamy and berangan and stuff.

and just now my newly-married cousin’s wife called my aunt “ma.” i’d forgotten if you marry someone, you marry their family too and you call the family almost whatever your partner calls them. like ayah is ayah, papa is papa. i mean, i’d forgotten about all that. and remembering this makes it more real.

and if i ever said the word tunang or kawen to asna he would give me this frowning, disapproving look that is enough to make me shut up and understand that it’s his way of saying xnakla cakap pasal nii. haha! that face is funny and at the same time like, why do you that face mannn you’re not supposed to do that faceeee. haha. okay i know we are SO young and i actually get why he does that face. i dont know what, but i just get it. i’d end up laughing at his face. aiyo you ni. haha

now that we’re 20, 5 years to go!

i seldom meet anyone who wants to get married beyond the age 25. everyone says its the optimum age to settle down, and i agree. even the ones yang i-swear-i-will-marry-last pun nak kawen umur 25. dah tu kalau yg mcm tu pun umur 25 nak kawen, ape lagi yang memang nak kawen?

it sounds like i’ve been throwing that word around so lightly. i know it’s not. i know marriage is a huge thing. i just think, if you can’t properly take care of yourself, how are you going to take care of another person like how you should do to yourself kan. which is why i dont know if im ever going to be ready for that kind of stuff. i know its still early for me to be thinking about this kind of stuff since i have a far, shiny road still ahead of me. but since my head is whirring with these kinds of thoughts right now and if i dont get it out i will regret it, i will write this down.

where was i.

ok marriage. i think maybe the fun part would be..nice (*insert edward and bella’s honeymoon island. just the island. the beautiful island. hahah lol) but the bigger part.. (responsibility, etc) would be..not my cup of tea at the moment. i mean, i like the creative part of the wedding la..the engagement stuff, the food, the pelamin the colour matchings, the doorgifts, the hantaran..those are all really nice. but 5 years down the road..(i can see the person i’m with..) but i cant see what kind of person i myself will be. i dont really see me clearly in that light. it’s really so distant and blurry inside my head.

with all the things my head are occupied with now..there is room to think about this stuff..but like a really small secluded room. i think it’d be nice, but the time just hasn’t come yet.

still, doesn’t make me any less excited reading all the happy posts about engagements and weddings in those blogs! i think any sort of communion is a good thing. it makes things complement each other and it shows commitment and love and hope and all the good things in life. it’s like a gift.

fuhh ape benda yang aku merepek ni.

just, you know. i’m not ready for all this big stuff, but sometimes i think about wedding dresses, i think about food at the wedding..the pelamin. the guests! all my friends coming over to see me in my wedding veil. and the One. gives me a nice tinge la thinking that if i could live long enough to feel all that..it’d be nice la. just the gist of all of it. something old, something borrowed, something blue. i dont know. the notion is so nice. i think all girls naturally feel like this la..like you know..if we end up with the right guy, and everything being unbelievably perfect. i see bubbles and bokeh effects in my head now. pretty things.

so you know..it’s okay to dream a little dream (:

random thoughts #2

2011-12-09T20:35:00.001+08:00

assalamualaikum.

im so cramped with all the stuff ive been doing. when i talk to asna about my day at night i can go on about 15minutes non-stop and i’d be out of breath by the time i finish. this rarely happens. lately, a lot of rare things have been happening to me. they’re unusual occurences, but they’re good unusual occurences.

i wont go into details until everything have been confirmed, but right now things are looking out and up. however, i havent been feeling so good. sometimes the tears well up thinking how alone i sometimes feel being here. and im having trouble trying to have enough meals and sleep. my head pounds so hard sometimes. but i remember all the people who are here for me, and what they are doing to support me even from far, and near, and sometimes i just look back on all the good times and i dont feel so bad.

i think i am being tested, this past few weeks. i have to depend on myself a lot. getting my meals right, getting to class on time, completing my thesis framework. other people are being busy with their own schedule and have no time for me. i feel hurt, sometimes. but when i think back, really, i am nobody for anyone to have the time of day for. so i think to myself, i really have to look out for myself. if anything happens, i can always rely on my family, and asna and some friends. no matter how i feel left out sometimes, i try not to think about it and focus on the happier times we had and what our friendship means to us and why we are all still friends.

i would be lying if i say i dont feel anything now that i dont hang out much with my girlfriends anymore. i do feel lonely and left out. by i have to think, for myself, and for all of us..we all have our own thing. i get it. although i dont really have other things, but i get it. growing up means losing things (Quinn Fabray, 2011).

what matters is that we’re still friends, and that the friendship is sincere. true, most of the time i feel like to just eff this up and be on my own effing way to greatness alone. but i dont know how to do that. no matter how angry/upset i feel, i keep coming back to my friends looking for acceptance, love and fun. i think it just means that they do really mean something to me, however far apart we may be. i used to be miserable. i used to feel sad and think that i am such a loser. and i was so lost in negative thoughts about everything.

now, gladly, i have given up doing all that.

these are some printscreens of tweets i favorited. its a source of enlightenment. whenever i feel down, i read them. they taught me that all you have to do to lose sadness is by being closer to Allah, and by being happy..just think about happy thoughts. and that Islam is really nice, they do help you when you need help(actually, all religion does that but islam is Da Best). i tried to do just that. i dont do anything much. in fact, i have no idea what i was doing..if it was the right thing, is it enough, or if it was ever going to work. (in my head, i kept thinking about 1. Allah takkan ubah nasib seseorang if they dont change it first and 2. hidayah takkan dapat kalau takk dicari and 3. hidayah akan diberi to certain people only, and tu pun if they look hard for it.) i just did some stuff. with the hope that something would be lifted off my shoulders. i wanted to feel calm, and be free of negative thoughts that was always in my head before. i looked fine, but there was so much negativity in me.

with support from people i love, i said to myself i have to change this. i dont want to feel negative about everything. (and trust me when i say i was constantly feeling negative.) it was almost like i was at war with myself.

and alhamdulillah.

now, i think i am able to look past all the bad/hurtful/inconsiderate things people do to each other. i just dont want to go back to negativity. they only hurt, and really tiring.

now i just want to remind myself to maintain this. i have to be sincere, and selfless. and i have to have faith. i might forget this over time when happiness comes washing over me like a waterfall from a high top.

i dont want you to think i have suddenly turned alim or whatever. im not. i dont think i deserve to be called that. im just striving to be better.

and ps. whats in the blog, stays in the blog. i actually feel a bit embarrassed while writing this down. but i have to get it out. these are things i wont be able, ever, to say out loud. (:

its not. (:

2011-11-30T07:27:00.000+08:00

is it too lonely to say that..almost as soon as asna says hes going to sleep, i disconnect myself from the internet or whatever it is i am doing because its less fun without him?

ok fine not always but thats how it is most of the time. i almost never want him to go to sleep without me, and me without him.

and in truth, its not loneliness.

(:

rant on: certain tak malu girls.

2011-11-27T22:10:00.000+08:00

these are just a few examples. they may, or may not, have anything to do with me.

1. how can you be neighbors with boys and make mesyuarat tingkaps with them at night, knowing that:

2. some of them have girlfriends.

3. and worse, having an actual crush on one of them.

4. how can you ask for help from someone such as your male neighbours and end up adjusting the schedule according to your needs?

"oh esok boleh? malam ni nak pegi kuar makan so tak sempat."

"oh esok boleh? harini pg lepak kat pulau."

"oh esok boleh? harini kelas habis lambat."

"oh esok boleh? harini penat."

5. and not just any help either.

6. what. the. eff.

7. who do you think you are?

8. tolonglah sedar diri tu perempuan. yang berjiran dengan lelaki.

9. and who do you think you are ajak boyfren(s) orang pergi tengok breaking dawn?

10. tak segan ke kau ni making all the first moves? kalau the male neighbours tu yang tegur dulu, i get it la.

11. there is a difference between being friendly and being a nuisance.

who, may i ask, do you think you are?

ya allah, let me learn from this and please protect me from being such girls. amin.

random thought #1

2011-11-24T09:24:00.001+08:00

is it possible to be in love with two people at the same time?

this suddenly occurred to me while i was scrolling down my news feed at fb.

at first read, aku tak faham sepatah haram pun status ni. whats she/he saying la? not making any sense at all. tapi lepas aku dah prtsc ape sume...aku still tak faham.

the root of the problem is: how can you like someone else while liking someone else? honestly!

personally this has never happened to me. so maybe im in no position to be criticizing this, but i think my pov would be logical.

(what i am about to write refers to normal people, and doesn't apply to celebrity crushes like shim changmin or ian somerhalder or darren criss. just to name a few of mine.) or to divine powers seperti Allah swt, Rasulullah, para malaikat. these are different types of love.

so probably, these things happen because:

1. GATAL

memang manusia tak boleh lari dari mengusha/ternampak orang hot. but you are supposed to appreciate your partner. kenapa bile nampak orang hot terus rasa mcm nak kat orang tu. fine maybe orang tu pun usha kau jugak. so? be thankful je la that you have someone to appreciate you. why do you have to fall in love (or in like or admire, whatever) again - with another person? =,= please appreciate your partner. tak payah nak rasa mcm what if orang tu better untuk aku? hmpph. kalau nak rasa mcm tu baikla break dengan partner kau and takpayah be together in the first place. unless la partner ko tu memang takleh pakai. conclusion: takpayah garit sangat kalau nampak orang hot. sepatutnya your partner tu dah cukup hot untuk kau kot. =.='

kalau takde partner and single mingle, takpayah nak menggedik suka kat dua orang. i dont think its appropriate, thats all. if this is the issue, it just means salah seorang akan kecewa, and usually that person is the nicer of the two. yang lagi baik, yang macam dipergunakan. kesian tau. ko tak fikir ke feeling dorg. if you put them in a string...ko nak ape senanye? u want them, but senanye ko taknak. hampeh takleh nak buat desicion. kalau rasa taktau, biar je la. kalau ada jodoh die dtgla balik =.= (the more i write about this, the more annoyed i get)

lagi satu. kalau that person is attached to someone else, jangan nak menggatal explore your feelings towards each other. alih2 pegi rampas bestfren punye partner. ape cerr doh. ni sume kes selalu cerita problem. last2 terminat. aku taktau la bape kali aku dah jumpe kes ni. kalau single mingle xpe. ni partner bestie sendiri kot. dalam movie pun banyak. notice tak sebab die sume cam sama?

(getting more annoyed.)

2. BAJET HOT

when two persons seems to like you at the same time, memang ko akan rase camni. aku tak nafikan. langsung tak nafikan. tapi ko kena ingat, hotness ko tu boleh ditarik balik bila2 masa je. just like every other unique abilities yang ko ada (mengayat, menggedik, menggatal).

orang yang hot tak cakap/rasa pun dia hot. aku rasa ni adalah something yang sangat true. most of the time orang2 hot ni..tak memerlukan peminat yang ramai to justify that.

and selalunya orang yang ramai peminat tak minat pun couple2 nih. aku senanye agak respek terhadap orang2 ni. and orang2 macam ni tak ramai. i've only seen a few precious gems. they can have anyone in the world..and from a long list of admirers too, but sometimes its never one of their concerns. maybe dorang rasa tak tertarik dengan any of the admirers kot?

ape2 hal pun, they never come across as bajet hot. they just come across as hot.

(feeling less annoyed.)

3. LACK OF ATTENTION

tak pernah dapat attention sangat, so bile ada attention from two distinct people..rasa macam, ni lah masanya!

ok fine alasan diterima. kesian jugak kalo macam ni yek. takpelah, kasi can.

but if it were me, i like the lack of attention. i feel soooo segan to be the center of attention. except for the right reasons. like dapat amek anc ke masa grad nanti. heheh

(feeling lazy to elaborate on this.)

4. BORED

"aku suke la kat die ni, hihi sweet sangat die."

"ohye? bagusla untuk kau."

"tapi kat die ni laaaagi aku suke. pemurah. hikhik."

"cop yang mane satu pakwe ko?"

"oh boyfren aku yang lain, tapi dia tu bosan la."

"la apesal."

"entah, dah lame sangat kot ngan die. mcm xde benda nak borak dah."

=,=

ok ok fine maybe ko mempermainkan perasaan orang lain just to have fun (jahatnye ko T_T)

but seriously?

u should be working out ways on how to make your current r/ship fun again, not working out ways on how to make r/ship with other people kotttt. why can't you think like thattttttt? cemane nak kawen niii. nanti dah kawen ko nak buat ape bile dah bosan? cheat on your hubby/wife? boleh masuk neraka tau. (sebab isteri selalu kena dengar ckp suami kalau tak dosa.)

5. NATURAL PLAYBOY/GIRL

"weh jom lepak."

"malam ni ade hal la, awek aku ajak dinner."

"takpe esok futsal."

"esok awek bukit bintang plak."

"lusa?"

"lusa awek petaling plak nak blanje."

"awek indon xde ke nak bagi kat aku? gred acha septriasa punya."

"betul2? kena cepat"

"ko xde kerja lain ke sengal."

orang2 macam ni..aku taktau nak cakap ape. aku rasa dorg ade problem. or just very hard to deny good looks and appealing attitudes. sebaik tak pernah terjebak. (sebab aku tak hot pun. alhamdulillah. hehehe)

6. TERLEBIH KASIH SAYANG (sarcastic.)

this means you have an overload of kasih sayang to give. ko tak penat nak melayan more than one person, and ko tak rasa guilty pun. you're just so full of loveeeee. i have no idea what causes this. nor do i wanna know.

7. UNFOCUSED / TAKDE KERJA LAIN

takde assg nak kena submit, xde overtime nak direbut, takde parents untuk dibanggakan, takde agama untuk dipentingkan.

kau memang xde kerja kan?

(slightly annoyed.)

this is what happens when i see something i dont like. even though there is a bit of positivity (lack of attention punya point.) but the rest is just me feeling annoyed. this writing xde kena mengena dengan sape2 yang aku kenal. just random thoughts. (:

COP! what if the status i printscreened is actually a hadith?

funny thing #1

2011-11-21T08:33:00.000+08:00

nota dahi (sebab dekat atas): segala tulisan di bawah xde kena mengena dengan sesiapa. names used are common and random (:

em orang tu dia tau name aku shamin. aku rase aku tau la jugak name dia sape. name dia sabrina mungkin. kawan2 panggil dia sab.

pastu kalau aku tgur dia, aku akan cakap sabrina hai.

tapi sabrina tegur aku balik hai min.

rasa mcm funny sb tak pernah tgur tiba tiba dah panggil aku guna nickname aku.

firstly, ni petanda org peramah. maybe. secondly petanda orang tau nama aku and nama timangan (ecewah) aku. and lastly maybe orang tu pemalas.

sb nak sebut min tu macam tak sampai satu saat. tapi shamin aku rase sampaila satu saat kot.

em samela macam kalau panggil cik abang tu sayang atau baby (geli). macam sayang jadi yang and baby jadi by.

tapi ni bukan tanda pemalas. ni tanda comfy. and sayang. (geli sikit)

tapi kalau rajin sayang jadi ayang je. tapi cam geli sikit. hahaha

macam ayah dia suka sebut yang selayang bila panggil mama. ni kelakar.

tapi min sounds like mean. sometimes aku rase tu yg buat aku jadi mean kot kadang2. hmm. so kalau panggil shamin, jadila macam shamin kot. B)

habis kalau nama nadira panggil nut jadi kacang ke? taktaktak. ;p

ok contoh serious. nisa maksudnye perempuan. kalau seumur hidup dia orang panggil dia nisa, dia akan jadi mcm perempuan la kan. like more real a girl than most normal people?

habistu kalau orang bukan nama nisa x jadi perempuan?

ish bukan cemtu la.

contohnya amirah. maksudnya ketua. ha nanti ade la sifat2 leadership pada orang tu. dah tu kalau singkatkan jadi mira? ket? (err get it?)

=.=

my point is, names are important. such an irony because i havent found out what merrissa means.

hmm. first night of last semester kat penang. roomate i sume part 6. nak la jumior sorang. nanti mesti dia rajin belikan air kelapa. sb junior zaman skrg mmg baik cemtu. hihi

and wifi kat kampus tgh cambest so dapat ketchup videos matluthfi and shortnap. hihi best (;

hari malas aku.

2011-11-13T20:13:00.001+08:00

rasa mcam dah lama x dapat duduk diam2 dalam bilik and buat bende2 lagho. (???)

aku xpercaya aku baru lepas buat statement macam tu.

hari ni adalah hari malas aku.

em sepatutnya aku kena start buat essay untuk competition kat utm tu. deadline dia hari selasa. by right aku kena hantar dekat sir utk dy screen dulu ape aku tulis. tapi serious sepatah haram pun aku tak tulis/type lagi. journals ade dah aku print. dalam 10 cemtu. aku taktau bile aku nak membace sume tu and start writing. idea ada tapi xleh nak dikembangkan.

teruknye aku ni tau kadang2.

asna pun tak layan aku sangat. sebab aku pun malas kan nak layan die harini. padanlah mukee~

infact, takde sape pun yang layan aku sangat harini, sebab aku pun tak melayan sape2. ya allah kenape ni. nasib baik ni bukan minggu exam ke ape.

tolonglah bangkit wahai insan~

dem. aku sebenarnye nak makan chocolate cakeeee! xkesahla cake ke macarons ke cookies ke. asalkan benda tu manis. aku rasa macam banyak gile benda daging2 aku makan. daging kurban, daging ayam, ikan, sotong, udang..now i want desserts.

desserts ni satu la. dia cepat sangat habis! tu yang x puas tu. memangla puas if shared with loved ones (like famiily) but but but i want some moreeeeee!

dahla ingredients nak buat dessert tu mahal2. so xdela nak buat cake hari2 kannnn. wuwuwuw. walaupun lately ni selalu buat (hehehe) but i want moreeeeee. cakesssss. T___T

so i gotta be a little bit rajin and get my fatass off this bed lah kan? malasnyaaaa!

aku rasa aku dah penat kot jadi rajin. sejak cuti start tu i havent fully enjoyed a full malas day like today. ni pun tak enjoy sangat sebab senanye aku takleh lupe pasal essay utk competition tu T_T so sebenarnye aku cam terganggu sikit. pasal competition tu. nak pulak mood malas dah sampai. aku xtau bile aku nak buat. sir dah tanye, yang tukang handle competition tu dah tanye. semua aku jawan dengan senyuman. and lies. (aku cakap belum siap, tgh otw.) nasib baik sir and tukang handle competition tu (budak batch aku) xtahu aku ade blog. aku rase la dorg xtau. aku ni mane la hot pun org nak stalk kan. alhamdulillah. (hehe!)

penat jadi rajin pun boleh ko ni kan? teruk betul =,=

uri oppa..

2011-11-11T22:56:00.001+08:00

it simply means "our brother" or to make it lagi senang faham, "my brother".

you know hafiz right? he's a good friend of mine. good till the point that we regard each other as siblings. like, he calls me sis and stuff. i never call him bro though. i just go like wey! or like woi! or just some other super informal calls. never bro though. he's the one who likes to go all 'little sis' on me. idk why he's like that la. i guess over the years, he grew so familiar and comfy kot, but i never could imagine us being more than friends and platonic. actually i have la (hahaha) because he's good looking by his own standards. my closest friends and i have contemplated those ridiculous thoughts before la, to be honest.

anyway he's like this super playboy because of his good looks and alleged mat salleh 90% celup heritage. (is that correct? heritage? hentam je la.) he's the type yang if you go to his fb page kan his wall is so full of girls yang macam eh you, bile nak belanja i makan lagi, or eh you, semalam tertido lah or eh you, nice hair. and then there'll be me who go like woi bila kau nak belanja aku ni. it feels so fun, really.

so since the time i've known him la kan (i was thirteen) i always felt macam kesian tau dekat all of his current girlfriends. because they always clash. long story short one never managed to stay lah. and i don't know anything about any of those girls, except that they are/were attached to him at some point. and then most of them disappear. poof. like biskut.

so one day mum (as in mumtazah my bestie) and i we sat down and borak about hafiz. we wondered between ourselves what kind of girlfriend/wife/awek steady that he's going to end up with. i said she'd be someone yang pakai tudung. or kalau tak pakai tudung pun macam baik la, tgk muka pun macam oooh what an angel. and then mum was like..okay actually i forgot what she said (it was two years ago!) but our conclusion was something like this: someone that's pleasing to look at..but xdela like a pretty, drop dead gorgeous bombshell he was dating all the time waktu tu. just someone nice and sweet.

and now, it looks like he found her.

i am so happy for him! i havent had the chance to properly congratulate him because he hasn't stopped teasing me about asna (he thinks i am ten and has no idea how to handle a boyfriend pffft).

it's just one day i just thought about him and typed his name to see his fb. sometimes i enjoy doing this because i get to see all these pretty girls lined up on his walls writing about stuff i don't know. what the heck, i like looking at pretty girls haha. that was just the point la, to see how he was doing and to like, cuci mata with all those girls with long, perfect hair kan. and then suddenly there was this..abdul hafiz is in a relationship with (girlfriend's name.)

my mouth just dropped and i was staring at the page with disbelief.

dahla tak bagitau! i had to find out through fb! but what the heck kan later he was like teasing me again about asna, saying i'm so busy layan asna sampai xde masa for him that's why he has no chance of telling me. pffft. alasan je lebih mamat ni. memangla kau tu takde number aku nak bagitau kan. pffft.

okay okay. the girl. to me, she fitted the description mum and i discussed two years ago. minus the tudung. but really, if you ask me, i was surprised jugakla. because she was just like the girl we discussed! bukan surprised pasal the girl has a similar description, but because he found one! one that he can actually announce in fb..and now sharing the same dp. (so sweet pulak dp tu!) it's just something that has never happened. as far as i've known him la. like, this is the first time i've seen him showing so much pda in fb. it's totally like an upgrade. haha

i can't say much because i have no idea who she is, how they met, what happened..i don't know if i'm ever going to know all these stuff. even if we get the chance to meet, i don't know if i would be asking all those questions. hmm. but at this moment, i would really like to know. i can imagine attacking hafiz at a mamak asking all those things. and then i'd be in awe and just like waaaah~ hee.

my point is that i'm truly happy for him. it's really impossible for us to meet now. heck, it's impossible to see anyone now. i think it just means we're all growing up kan.

rindunyewww.

2011-11-11T19:45:00.001+08:00

assalamualaikum!

uwahhhhh dah lame x update! (sebenarnya rindu sebab dah lama tak menulis, bukan rindu batin (???) pada sesiapa) ishish seriously ade banyak benda nak tulis tapi selalu time tu ade mood, time tu jugak xde mood nak menulis. mood pun mcm biskut. macam ayahanda saya jugak. kejap ade kat dapur. kejap xde. masa dia xde kat dapur, segala benda2 yang rangup ada. masa dy blah je, semua benda2 yang rangup (mcm tempe goreng, biskut, bawang goreng, ikan bilis garing, dll) semua dah xde. biskut biskut.

cuti kali ni aku jadi p.a./r.a. mama. personal assistant/research assistant. best la jugak sebab at least ade alasan legit untuk delay balik penang awal seperti yang supervisor fyp aku sarankan. (aku harap sir syazwan tak jumpe blog aku langsung) hahaha. kalau jumpe jugak nak mintak maap awal2 kat sir. sorry! but i love home so much! and i really despise any thoughts of going back to penang. hehehe. sorry penang. if im not going back there with my family, then its not a happy thing at all la to be honest. tapi tak baik kan sebenarnye cakap camtu. ottokhae.

penang dahla xleh nak masak2. makan luar je manjang. ishhhh. membazirr :p

semalam aku pergi subang parade. lepastu kan aku pergi mph. dalam mph kan ade section buku memasak. aku suke gile tgk buku memasak desserts tu. aku curious, cake pops tu macam mane eh? nampak cam comels gils. tapi nampak cam frosting je lebih? hmm. cuti sem kali ni jugak made me discover a new thing. i love baking! haha. aku tau im such a lampi person. nak find out i love baking pun nak kena tunggu sampai 20 tahun kan? ish ish. if only we have more ovens kat rumah. hmm. and best gile dekat tv banyak gile cooking shows yang tunjuk orang buat dessert! i love love love watching top chef: just desserts. like best gileeeeee! they cook really super nice stuff. today's episode je there was this dude, he made spicy macarons! i meannnnnn! and how i wish i understand every single term that they use when making dessert. choux pastry? what is chouxxxxxxx? i wanna know!

hari ni mama masak nasi minyak. one thing i notice la about cooking (tak kisah la menggoreng ke baking ke) all the ingredients tu u just have to know how much, and then you just campak je dalam kuali/bekas/oven. its starting to look simple. (alhamdulillah.)

ape lagi nak membebel.

hmm actually i have a new favorite blog. this girl is someone i macam baru kenal. her blog is so pure. i love reading her blog. i wish i can write like her. straight from the heart, without any worries someone might be reading and passing judgements. i envy her. but she belittles herself so much. i feel like going up to her and tell her that she's pretty, that she's not what she thinks she is. i feel so close to her just by reading what she wrote. i feel like everything that was there is pure honesty. seriously. like the rainbow after a rain, you just wanna keep looking and keep the memory. and tell the rainbow its the most perfect thing, that it doesnt have anything to worry about. same thing to this girl la. she's so nice and kind and sweet and pretty and she thinks she's the worst fren anyone can ever have. how do you tell someone they're actually good enough? actually, how do you tell that to someone after you read their blog without them knowing?

hmm.

i registered for ielts instead of toefl. (read: ielts is international english language testing system, toefl is test of english as a second language. kot.) when i think about it..the moment i registered for ielts, it's the moment of confirmation that one day, i'll be leaving this country. its just a matter of time. and maybe chance. sometimes, it scares me. sometimes..it inspires me.

and sometimes, it makes me think im not good enough.

sekali update post berterabur gile nak tulis macam2 in one post =.= i am such a bad blogger/writer.

when will i ever learn T_T

on being 20.

2011-10-28T10:42:00.001+08:00

one very important fact: it’s not the same as being less than 20.

it just really isn’t. a lot has been happening lately and i do feel like my age, quite surprisingly for the first time in my two decades of living.

first of all: i now regularly drive the car (during holidays). its not much and usually the distances are not far, but its certainly more than any of the distances i’ve driven.

second of all, the day i turned 20 was celebrated with the presence of someone other than my family..although he’s becoming a family steadfastly now. it makes me feel grown up, having asna with my family at the dining table with my birthday cake. it’s just never happened before. it was once in a lifetime. (and apparently, such a big event for me.)

third of all: i baked my own birthday cake for the first time..and it didn’t receive negative comments. in fact, it was loved! (and i do hope it’s not just because it was my birthday and i made it.)

fourthly: i got free movie tickets from nuffnang for blogging. its a small little thing (because all other bloggers are getting 3ks a month just for the same reason.) but i really feel like i did something and it felt so good. i think because its the first time i ever got free tickets out of my own accord. when parents or the boyfriend or the girlfriends pay for the ticket it never felt like this (albeit all the same being special.)

next: i’m starting my final semester this coming november..and it feels (one word) overwhelming. seriously. i’ve already started my final year project (fyp). i’ve already printed out journals..read some of them..participated in a national expo..and now i’m preparing for a national chemical engineering symposium. in my little world, i never expected anything to be this big. let alone anything related to chemistry. coz as far as i can remember chemistry was my least favourite subject after add maths. haha. (idk how on earth i manage to be an inspiring chemical engineer, considering i used to flunk add maths and chemistry. it just goes to show that nothing is impossible. and i’ve read somewhere that if you can excel in the things you don’t like..you can excel in anything. now that’s an inspiring quote isn’t it. hehe)

ultimately, i feel like a freaking engineer because my fyp title completely says that i will have to solve an environmental issue – water pollution. with the help of my supervisor, sir syazwan. i think i’m really thankful for him. so far he’s been more than encouraging, and despite all the list of (unheard of) things that i’m going to have to do..i have a good feeling that i’m going to make it through alive. i just have to hold on.

ok ok. finally. i’m registering for toefl, or the test of english as a foreign language soon. and later on i’m going to the hea office of my campus..asking them for my manuscript..and printing out all my course outlines..put them in a good hard envelope..and mail them along with my (hopefully impressive) toefl results to the university of my choice outside malaysia. to the united states. there’s an ever growing web of doubt in my heart about this..particular event. i just can’t decide. i’m scared of telling it to the whole world, but i want to. and if i already tell it, how can i be doubtful? how can i still think of maybe not now? i just can’t decide. yet.

lets move on to more merry things. my 20th birthday! hehe

as usual, asna i and didn’t plan our outfits. (as a matter of fact, we never really did. and the first time we accidentally colour-coordinated was on our first date. asna probably doesn't remember this though.) i just wanted to wear my navy blue top and suddenly he showed up wearing his toned blue shirt. jodoh ke apa

has any of you went to bubba gump and cozy corner? go already! it was my first at bubba gump, the curve and it was super nice! i taknak describe anymore: its perfect! and cozy corner, ampang park is one of my parents’ fav place to go to eat (since their dating days back in the 70’s or 80’s) and i love the place just the same! been going there since i was little, the same waitress still works there, percaya tak? best gileeeee dapat makan here on my special day. heeeee

guess which pix is my phone’s current wallpaper? hikhik

flashback. my birthday last year (here and here). and two years ago. i havent changed much (:

2011-10-24T01:11:00.001+08:00

i hate everything about today.

1st weekend of sem break, Pt 5

2011-10-18T23:29:00.001+08:00

heee! it’s this time of the year again. budak2 dip dah start cuti about a week ago. we’re currently in the second week of our 6-week long semester break. not much of a semester break, if u ask me. it goes to show how obvious it is that we are in our final year of diploma. in all honesty, it doesnt feel like a diploma course at all. because we’ve already gottten topics for our fyp (or final year project.) guess what mine is? T_T let me tell you, my fyp title is the longest between 4 other members sharing the same supervisor. (treatment of ammoniacal nitrogen using free, immobilized zeolites for batch and continuous studies. preliminary. i dont have any idea how all of that could fit into a whole sentence.)

anyway so last week my classmates and i went to nilai for an expo called the ekspo innovasi islam or i-inova for short. its basically an expo that showcases developments in technology that has helped the ummah. or maybe the muslim community (thats what ummah is from my pov anyway.) okay we didn’t just went, we participated. like there were almost 40-ish of us in exactly 13 groups including a lecturer (who is also my fyp supervisor, sir syazwan.) we were all there with our booths and projects and prototypes brought all the way from penang to nilai, for a bit of experience and exposure about this kind of expo.

there were a few categories like engineering, biomedical and stuff. most of us were in engineering and biomedical. im so really lazy to go into details right now. lets just see the pictures yeah (:

dearbunc was kind enough to fetch me at home and send me to nilai at the stadium tertutup. (mama ada seminar kat shah alam and ayah was suddenly down with a high fever.) he even layan-ed me with everything that i wanted to do, right from having lunch to looking for a guardian store somewhere looking for spray bottles (for my booth) and toiletries. so much hassle la waktu tu lol. but he was amazing and did everything i wanted. it was the first time i remember going to n9 without sleeping in the car lol. i actually just found out about the existence of the kl-seremban highway. i think i’ve heard about it in the radio la but i dont remember actually using it (because i was ignorant about it before.) until that fortunate thursday evening that dearbunc drove me to nilai. thanks a lot, dear (:

plus i dont know why i was feeling quite ustazah-ish at that time haha. when i arrived at nilai and all my other friends arrived i was the only one with jubah. orang lain semua pakai jeans and tshirt je. gila overdress aku kan. sabo je lah.

next, see our booth!

the expo was a 3-day event, so you can see how we took a picture with the booth every single day. just because. hihiks

our product is (was) a green liquid detergent called CGZYMES. so called CGZYMES because the C stand for citronella, G for garbage enzyme and ZYMES for lipase enzyme. our formulation was really very simple. all the above-mentioned ingredients plus a non-hazardous surfactant. citronella is actually serai wangi. tak susah pun nak acquire the raw materials. garbage enzyme we had many supplies. garbage enzyme does not mean the garbage from tong sampah..they’re just leftover fruit skins, fermented with brown sugar and water for a certain long time period (like 3 months.)

so we just mix it all up and tadah!

CGZYMES was born! teehee!

so cgzymes is actually a sabun basuh pinggan that can dissolve oil and water. like if you’ve ever been on dish duty you would know that oil and water does not mix, and all the oil in the wastewater can one day plug your piping system. so if you use our detergent..it can digest the oil substance, and wallah! no oily or greasy waste in your pipings that can damage your whole water system.

that was the main objective lah, this project. to actually hilangkan bekas2 minyak dalam air buangan supaya paip and longkang tak tersumbat. hee.

the atmosphere during the expo. questions were asked and answered, and you can see a lot of people walking around and being interested with what people were offering to the public.

and XKAN LUPA gambar bersama cewek. hihiks!

i am thankful sangat sebab dapat join this expo. i gained a lot of experience and a feel good vibe.

(i wish to write more. but i really am tired. so.)

toodles. (:

October wishlist

2011-10-18T03:02:00.002+08:00

during my absolute lazy and free times (such as now.) when the mood strikes i can open up so many blogshop pages and just drool over the clothes. i like looking at them, and i can imagine me with them..just in my head lah tapi. like in reality i think i can pull them off but never at the right timing. i suck at dressing up sometimes. i just dont know when anything is suitable. but whatever, thats just me. so if i had all the money in the world..here’s my wishlist. for october at least. B)

1. join pottermore! however, i still seriously cannot decide which hogwarts house i wanna be in =.=

2. lancome tresor midnight rose perfume. just because emma endorsed it

3. oxford shoes. i think they’re soooo classic and elegant. picture found via

4. evanescence’s new self-titled album *headbangs (it came out in the us like a week ago. bile nak sampai msia niiiii.)

5. this is so last season but its the one i want since sooo long T_T

6. this is also last season but i have craved for this one too T_T

they’re both miu mius and pictures are all found via

and i really like the chocolate ones. T_T

7, 8, 10. I dont know what is up with me but i loveee looking at those blazers. gives me a sophisticated tingle (for lack of a better word.) but seriously, all these blazers so niceeee.

9. and this top is too sweet. want want want.

all tops via

11. the mulberry alexa (i just found out its name. lame kan wuwuw.) okay ni bukan la mulberry betul kan but but but oh dear pretty thing, i want you. so bad. via

12. okay i have this purse in coffee which i bought at feringghi and it doesnt look half as fabulous as this original snapshot haha. but oh well. just for the sake of looking at it teehee. via

13. a new find. its so simple and elegant. and different, for juicy couture. via

and lastly, i found a superrrrr nice card-maker on fb.

look at thissssss:

lawa gile kannnnn?

i feel like oredering this for thank you cards – to give to my lecturers waktu habis sem nanti. its too nicee.

okay dah penat. rajin tau i edited the pictures and all. i hope all the links worked, for future ref. (manela tau tibe2 nak beli hihiks.)

12days.

2011-10-13T03:01:00.001+08:00

to go! hee.

i am genuinely excited despite all the things that are keeping me so preoccupied lately.

bukan preoccupied sangat pun, just things going round in a circle in my head. list of things im supposed to do that i never got to doing.=,= teruk betul procrastination masa cuti. if i were to list them all..nah even the thought to list them all pun dah cukup untuk make me malas to think about it. =,= SEE.

i was just thinking of my ultimate wishlist for my upcoming 20th. before i state it, it would do well for me to say this: one, that i know by mentioning this im already jinxing the stuff and two, i will end up not being able to actually get this ultimate wish.

here goes: to have all my girlfriends in one place during the day. with me, nonetheless.

i miss those people so much laa. dah la dah lama gila x contact any one of them :(

i've been so busy i never even got any ideas or semangat to update this blog :(

but 12days! hee :D

my favourites.

2011-10-01T10:50:00.003+08:00

family portrait yada yada. see how im the smallest? no one fails to be surprised looking at this and looking at me and say kau anak sulung keee? >.<

i love this one because insyirah was actually kissing my hands! hahaha!

i love this one because i cant help feeling so hyper and goofy and managing to make my sisters look at me like that when i do my actual favourite pose the snsd. idk why, but i can only do this pose with people i am most comfy with. asna gets mad whenever i do it with him. haha!

honestly, mama will be mad at me for putting up this photo where we all look pretty but her eyes are closed. she so can’t look at a bad photo of herself. she’ll go no you have to delete it, delete it! but idk how this one escapes her so i’m just gonna put it in just for the fun of it! but here’s a good one below!

ha, gambar camni baru lah boleh buat masuk blog, she would say. see my mama so pretty kan. (:

and this is my ayah! we all did the snsd! except abang coz generally he never does the snsd. haha!

ayah and mama! they work hard trying to make us all happy and contented. i love these people! can you see me at the mirror’s reflection? hehehehe

okay i love this pix. theres something kardashian-esque about it. especially me being like kim coz im the oldest! haha! and i think this is the only time my selendang actually looked good. lol

ehe!

taken during the girls’ day out. ayah and abang excluded! heheheh. but i look like the adik. again. i always look like the adik. haha!

plus im also a vainpot

and just us trying out the many many kpop inspired poses. haha!

good times (:

theres a reason why.

2011-10-01T01:59:00.000+08:00

i dont really layan chat at fb with any other guys except you and ayah and some other really close friends that you can count using your fingers.

i want you to trust me. and also i know how fragile my heart is, no matter how strong i think it is.

you have no idea.

life is exciting.

2011-09-30T07:04:00.000+08:00

sometimes i think i get excited over the littlest things. for example i practically squeal with excitement whenever i happen to pass through the feringghi night market (not that i went there recently or anything; its just a random memory) the night market is just so colourful! its got so many pretty, cute things! (but pointless nonetheless, i have to admit)

(cue nice pix of feringghi night market like in teh wahida's blog. haha)

i dont know. i think life is pretty if you look at it from the right angle. and from my angle, the mere sight of uitm penang's pusat islam during sunset is enough to classify as breathtaking!

(cue nice picture of p.i. with sunset background)

why cant this app upload pixs? i have to find one that can.

but being easily excited over the littlest things can be a little..threatening, maybe? i cant think of the perfect word.

but heres an example. i can get excited if there happen to be an ad on the billboard about a book fair in the highway. so when i suddenly jump up (like one or ten centimeters) apart from the car passenger seat, my driver (usually dear bunc) can suddenly givee the eye of fury and tell me to shut up (im just exaggerating, he never actually tell me to shut the eff up) did i spell exaggerating correctly?

but anyway, my exaggerated display of excitement can cause whoever it is near me to jump with surprise. and consequently, panic.

like what did you scream so loud for?

i saw a new book fair ad! i wanna go! plus i didnt scream! i just squealed!

now youre screaming. tolonglah jangan react macam tu unless we just ran over a cat or something. erghhh.

(this is a purely made up conversation. nothing as such has ever happened before)

i have completely forgotten what i wanted to write.

but you know, i cant help it if i happen to like every single thing i see. i see a pink balloon, i feel like wanting it just for the sheer cuteness of it. i cant think of anothet example.

dear bunc always say that there's nothing that i dont like and there's nothing thats not cute when i see something.

well, really!

at least i see the beauty of things when i look at it lah kan. hee!

another train of thoughts just went choochoo in my head.

that its quite easy for me to see the prettiness in things, but its not as easy to do the same thing to a living person.

i admit i do judge people by the cover. and by the cover i mean how they dreas up and carry themselves.

but i've always believed that how you dress, talk and walk shows who you are. but you cant judge a person by how they dress, talk and walk. its quite contradicting actually.

which to believe?

hmm.

my POINT here is that life, and things, are so pretty sometimes. i for one love looking out the window during car rides (when im not snoozing my arse off, of course. haha) and enjoy the view.

(cue nice pix of a view during one of my car and bus rides to and from penang).

but alas, i dont yet know how to insert pixs using this thing.

testing.

2011-09-26T18:23:00.000+08:00

1 2 3.

okay hari kamis exam unit op. if only i can get all the answers to these past year exam paper all right, i think im gonna be okay.

insecure.

2011-09-20T10:33:00.002+08:00

adjective

subject to fears, doubts, etc.; not self-confident or assured:an insecure person.

not confident or certain; uneasy; anxious: He was insecureabout the examination.

not secure; exposed or liable to risk, loss, or danger: aninsecure stock portfolio.

not firmly or reliably placed or fastened: an insecure ladder.

source

i will update later if the mood strikes.

nyampah.

2011-09-11T18:56:00.002+08:00

nak jadi na.

sihat jadi sihad.

number jadi 6bew.

aku jadi aq.

lagi jadi agy.

rasa macam allergic and annoyed gila baca bahasa macam ni. tunggu masa je bila budak2 ni nak sedar that those words sounds so ugly and annoying. cakap elok2 sudah. =,=

terus terang aku cakap, zaman mula2 aku pakai fon dulu pun aku x suka nak type macam ni. paling2 pun aku type kite nk g mane ni? xdela cam kitew nark gy manew niew. please lah. ugly and wasting time. bajet creative ke? =,=

kalau orang salah eja congrats jadi congrates lain lah. (walaupun aku x faham kenapa, tapi this is a common mistake, so i get it lah) ni sihat nak eja sihad? erghhhhh. so annoying. sihat tu dah cukup elok kan ejaan dia? why have to change to sihad? whyyyy?!

it's like kau dah cukup sifat cantik and sempurna pastu nak pergi buat plastic surgery. last2 lagi buruk ade lah.

Photo Diary #2

2011-08-31T07:22:00.002+08:00

1. glee 3d on asna's birthday. all gleeks have to watch! :D
2. outside kampus perda uitm pulau pinang. it was always about to rain, those last 10 days of ramadan (:
3. entrepreneurship stuff. we sell dessert!
4. lava cake? forgot the name. but soo delish. at chilli's mid valley.
5. and lastly, my new baju kurung. eid mubarak to all! (:

ini kisahku.

2011-08-27T10:01:00.001+08:00

this tv slot is quite the hype, isn't it? i agree with everyone else: it is so undoubtedly, sincerely inspiring. mama dah lama suruh aku tengok video wardina tu. masa tu kat kolej, and aku tgh buat kerja (betul ni!) so i left the video to stream sampai habis dulu. siap kerja ada meeting assg pulak. dalam kabut serabut aku x mandi lagi time tu memang aku lupa terus pasal video tu. sempat tgk dalam 7 minit je. last2 aku tak tengok. ni tgh stream lagi sekali, nekad nak tengok.

- 20 minit kemudian -

so this is my story (aku pulak teringin.)

i think i'm the girl next door, plain jane except i don't really know how to cook (eventhough my mum is the best cook ever) and sometimes i think i have the worst attitude. but seriously, islam has never quite left me. even when there are times that i forget, mesti ada something jadi that made me remember. like one time i was so happy i wasn't aware of what i was doing. suddenly i fell ill. like so ill. (high fever and migraine classifies as very ill to me.) at that time rasa macam tengah diberi peringatan. this is #1. and then there was this other time when i was planning to skip my subuh. (teruk kan.) and then macam ada org just touch my feet and i woke up just after azan habis. when i asked around, no one mengaku ada kejut aku pagi2 buta tu. so siapa yang kejut, sampai skrg aku tak tau. tapi rasa mcm diberi peringatan lagi sekali (#2). and then there are times when i jerked out of sleep (usually when in a dream, i met with an accident.) bangun dengan terkejut, just in time for subuh. itu pun kadang2 tidur balik. tapi rasa macam diberi peringatan lagi sekali. (#3)

sekarang ni pun keliling pinggang kawan2 cerita benda islamic. ada yang start pakai tudung labuh, ada yang nasihatkan doa mana yang bagus. and i did read most of them. i found out a lot of things. banyak2 ayat2 yang bila dengar wardina cakap tadi, tak rasa foreign. rasa macam, i know that, or macam, i've read that somewhere, and i so totally agree with her.

last but not least, i sincerely think that sape2 muslim girls out there yang free hair, you look soo much prettier with hijab. serious. lagi manis, sopan, and everything nice. (:

tapi mesti ingat la, janganla pakai pasal terikut dengan orang, kena ikhlas. kadang2 ada jugak dalam hati ni terfikir. budak ni dah kenapa tiba2 pakai tudung, entah2 pasal trend kot sekarang pakaii tudung, sebab tudung dia semua nak yang latest style je kot. tapi tak elok fikir macam tu. better kite bersangka baik je bila orang buat benda baik.

best kalau tengok orang tiba2 berubah. like, alhamdulillah, awak terpilih untuk diberi hidayah. bertuahnya awak. bila pulak kita kan? (:

eh over tak kalau

2011-08-26T23:01:00.001+08:00

aku cakap sape2 yang dapat jumpa aku time cuti ni dia adalah orang bertuah?

lol perasan.

but honest to god, my head has never been this full of things to do, which leads to me being unavailable for like almost all iftar (and raya) invites from the girls. kerja sekolah plus raya prep. benda2 ni buat aku makin malas adelah sebenarnya. xde mood langsung. lagi2 dengan sekarang ni musim cuaca sangat best (aku rasa berkat lailatur qadar.)

aku macam dah terkawen dengan kerja sekolah. tak lekang dari hidup.

of omNom and IPhones.

2011-08-23T11:17:00.000+08:00

today i did something different. i blogwalked around tech blogs instead of window shopping at shawl and handbag and cute tops online shops. its quite liberating haha. but being the noob that i am about these things, i just terima je all the info that i was reading. here are some things i found.

firstly, this beautiful looking slim item of the unimaginable. hiperbola muchh.

click picture for the website i took this from (:

i don't know about you (all you blackberry users who simply hate iphones. what is wrong with iphones la wey?) but i think this 5th gen of the apple sibs is so pretty. it is, but it's not worth my money la if it comes out. not right now anyway. i'm just a (barely) twenty year old student who hasn't even graduated yet. i don't need an iphone 5. i'm happy with what i have now. so maybe nanti dah jadi engineer (amin) yang berjaya barulah boleh kot nak afford (kalau ada rezeki). time tu aku rasa macam nak bantai beli iphone 10 ke, ipad 5 ke. tapi cantik iphone 5 ni. it's even slimmer than iphone 4.

what's different about it la?

well for one thing, it's got voice integrated messaging system. LOL. like anyone wants to voice out what they were going to text anyway. i thought text messaging were supposed to be personal. but it's under something new called iMessaging. it's like BBM but seriously lagi cool. sebab dia iOS duh. i admit, memang apple meniru pun buat iMessaging ni but no hard feelings lah kot..it is a competitive market tau, producing smartphones.

click picture for original website.

sekarang rasa mcam overwhelmed sebab the iOS 5 is so like out there and awesome and new. i gotta hand it to the apple team la, dorang ni memang awesome. if you can't think outside the box, you definitely can't work with apple. serious! dem iOS 5 sumpah nice.

and then i found this!

omNom! teehee! i've always liked cut the rope sejak one of my close friends introduced me to him. he is so friggin cute! and the game memang nice la kan. and these plushies are like soooooo cute. omNom i want youu!

okay to be truly honest, i didn't like iphone before i got one. i thought it was way too pricey. bila suddenly durian runtuh dapat iphone, then only i opened my eyes to it. before iphone, i seriuosly preferred blackberry because i looooove qwerty. my previous phones before this was the nokia c3 and a csl blueberry. (before csl, keypad phones. i still love them! mostly coz of their durability hehe) both are qwertys, both are ala blackberry. i never got a blackberry though. xtau kenapa xde jodoh with blackberry.

so. iphones. one of the reasons i now prefer it to bb is this lah: the apps. the games! i like playing games (real ones, not those yang play with people's hearts, mind you). i like to play angry birds, i like to play cut the rope, i like to play every single cute game that can be played in the iphone! haha. so bila bagi iphone kat orang macam aku yang suka main game, memang tak rugi lah sebab memang aku guna.

bukan sahaja games ye kawan2, iphone juga sangat berfungsi walaupun without a postpaid plan untuk support internet (i'm still considering one since if i do have one, i'm supposed to be independent and pay for it myself because my parents tak cop duit and i'm just not ready for that yet.)

how is it functional without a postpaid plan? ape kau ingat iphone ni semata2 untuk ber-tweet2 dan ber-what'sapp and ber-free call guna skype over wifi je ke? (eventho these are my full intentions of the iphone when i use postpaid one day hehehe)

you're wrongggg.

iphone has thousands of apps that can be used to facilitate you in your everyday life. for example, calendar organizers, book organizers, dictionary, translator dictionary, currency converters, unit converters, the iPray, and even (this one i heard from a friend) an exercise organizer. it's a smartphone. it's like a whole laptop compressed into this simple (yet multifunctional device.)

i'm just saying this because telinga ni rasa panas je bila orang comment iphone tak sesuai untuk student. it depends on how you look at it sebab iphones can be fully customized according to a person's needs. if you're a student, just cari app yang sesuai untuk help you as a student lah, so iphone you tu jadilah sesuai untuk penggunaan you as a student. if you're a career woman, laaagi best because (okay fine) iphones are better suited for the working class. but it doesn't hurt for a college/uni student jugak. (:

tapi kalau kau tak habis form 5 lagi tak payah pakai iphone unless parents kau cop duit :B

ok habis dah. aku salute sape2 yang baca sampai noktah terakhir lol.

ok lagi sikit. i don't have anything against blackberry. i still think it's awesome! sebab it's perfect for students aaand i know it also has games, plus it's digi/maxis/celcom internet plans are unbelievable. i'm just telling you why iphone is also awesome to open your eyes and to help you think why it's not unreasonable for students to use iphone. but under a situation where i don't know a single thing about iphones, i wouldn't have written this post anyway.

i also still miss my c3 ;(

Photo Diary #1

2011-08-22T21:31:00.001+08:00

paused when i was at page 21 and snapped the photo. it was a nice coincidence. (PLEASE IGNORE the word b**. that isn't a nice coincidence. haha)
iftar with asna during nuzul quran. awesome meal!
the book which i paused at page 21. hehe
a boiling process in the distillation tower in our chemical engineering lab. yes, we have a mini distillation tower. it's awesome.
enjoying a 3d tv at gurney plaza. batak woh time tu!
a ternary diagram we learnt in unit op. can you even begin to imagine.
cute, sweet apam polkadot meets hello kitty. ngee!

that was about a week in my life, because this pictures were taken on 7 different days. i snapped quite a lot of photos, but chose the ones that made the day most significant lah. that way i don't have to blab too much. plus i already got this app in my phone that works like a diary: boleh insert pictures and everything, so i write there more often now. so i think this photo diary is idea is like a great alternative to share what happened with me in a week. i loikkeee hehe (:

chillax.

2011-08-22T16:54:00.002+08:00

omg sumpah dari dulu aku rasa perkataan ni sangat poyo. kenapa nak combine kan chill and relax? chill sudah. relax sudah. like chillax, bro. oh my poyo gila bunyiknya. chillax. poyo kan? :B

today i want to write about things that make me relax. things that takes my mind off school and things that makes me forget, things that makes me just plain breathe.

one.

I just finished reading a book called Just Listen by Sarah Dessen. it’s something i picked up randomly at the library. overall, i didn’t like it that much because it centers around high-school drama and the main character tu macam susah gile nak be honest and tell people what’s on her mind. so she ends up messing everything up sampailah satu tahap (masa ending, obviously) she opened up and everything was perfect macam fairytale.

eventho aku macam rasa kebosanan sikit time baca buku ni (in spite of all the work, assignments, lab reports, tutorials) aku teruskan jugak. it’s like glue tau. storybooks always have that effect on me. i can never put it down when it’s good. seriously like selagi x habis selagi tu la aku kena habiskan. i guess this sentiment of mine is shared with many bookworms out there. but when it’s not up to my taste, it can take weeks, months, even years for me to actually finish it up.

okay sebenarnya my point is..reading fictions make me relax. like nothing else. i can be so immersed in the author’s world i just forget about my own. it’s a whole other world out there in the book tau. most of the time i see the characters talking to each other, being angry, eating sushi. i listen to the words they say, i get sad when they are, i smile when they’re happy. seriously, this is the beauty of reading a book. you get so lost in it you never wanna get out. you feel like you are transported into their world, being an observer to everything that’s happening to them. and sometimes, i get mad at them for making the wrong decision, and i wonder why they did it. it’s amazing how writers always know what to do in the end. like if the character ends up in a really tight knot of a rope, at the end mesti suddenly dia dah happily eating her favorite carrot soup at the dining table with her sisters lah ape lah. like, how do they manage to think of the solutions la? it’s not like they know all the answers, but the maturity capacity seems so hugeeee.

if you really want to get out of your own world, all you need is a good book lah. besides a warm blanket in a cold night with the right sofa. (hish best ni.) and just read. it’s good exercise for your mind and,

it’s enlightening.

two.

dining with my family. tak kesah la kat rumah ke kat luar ke, i don’t know why but i feel so serene when we all get together. and when i’m not annoyed that my siblings don’t know how to properly clean their dishes without some of the food leftovers still stuck at their plates after they’ve washed it. =,= honestly.

but doing this, too, takes my mind off things. i forget, and i treasure what’s in front of me. maybe because it is mostly during this time that everyone’s finally together. or maybe because i know we’d be having one of the best meals in the world. if you’re with good food, and good company, what else can you ask for kan?

entahla, maybe the fact that my family loves me just the way i am kot, that makes me feel so good when i’m with them. you know when someone loves you unconditionally..it gives you this airy feeling tau. like you’ll never lose them, and they’ll never let you loose them or they loose you. and whatever you have to say pun, and whatever you do, as long as it doesn’t cross a line, they still don’t wanna lose you. or maybe if you cross the line, they still don’t. they’d still love you. and that always give me this relaxed, easy feeling. knowing my family won’t leave me.

three.

being with,well, my russell. being with him is the next best thing. one look (and one smile) macam ombak di tepi pantai tu washing away all the sands. wakaka!

but honestly, that’s how it feels like.

i feel blown away, and with the wind went all my troubles as well. everytime.

and i sincerely hope it stays. nggggg~

four.

this may come as surprising, but number four is actually studying. it calmes me down, it makes me forget, it relaxes me. i feel like i’m in my own element when i focus on something. i think everyone feels that way, it’s just the question of sedar ke tak.

but i think this one has its limits la. duh! because at one point all the stress datang balik sebab kalau jam/stuck dekat a question, i’ll be like a monkey and scratch my head like crazy and the next thing i know i’m a panda or a persian cat, lazing around doing nothing.

and number five, whenever i give myself up to the Almighty. i highly doubt i need to explain how that feels like, because it’s the ultimate calming method.

these are, of course, a synonym to my happy pills. hehe (:

ramadhan so far (:

2011-08-07T07:31:00.003+08:00

i love it!

i know baru day 7 but honestly, i'm loving it.

kali ni dapat duduk hostel, hostel ni pulak opposite je dengan pusat islam uitm pulau pinang ni. memang best la sebab tak rasa berat nak pergi terawih. eventhough bukan hari-hari pergi, but just going that few times were enough to make me feel so tranquil. like i'm finally enjoying the beauty of ramadhan.

it all started when i read this post at Miss Sha Elaiza's blog. it is a post about embracing ramadhan, sincerity and taqwa. needless to say miss sha is my fav blogger lah skrg kan. (besides maria elena, shea and piqa and tira, and all of them sebab contents sangat nice and english-nya sedap dibaca) dah 10 (darjah satu sampai form 5) tahun belajar agama kat sekolah, baru aku faham maksud taqwa lepas baca post miss sha ni. lepas baca tu, baru aku faham apa tujuan kite puasa. dah dekat 10 tahun puasa baru nak faham kan? xpelah. better kesedaran tu dtg lambat dari tak datang langsung ye tak (:

yang aku faham and sedar sekarang ni, puasa ni bukan je menuntut kite untuk menahan nafsu makan sehari suntuk..tapi jugak nafsu2 tak senonoh lain. seperti sifat membazir, sifat kemalasan and many more negative things yang selama ni memang sebati dengan diri aku. aku realize memang banyak sifat negative dalam diri aku ni. so time ni lah memang aku rasa macam betul2 aku nampak aku sebenarnya macam mana. sebab setan2 sume takde. bak kata kawan2 aku kat sini, ni la akhlak sebenar ko. aku nampak banyak betul kelemahan aku.

itulah cabaran dia. istiqamah (untuk berubah) ni bukan benda senang kot. tapi maybe kalau aku ikhlas..it's not so hard. maybe kalau aku try untuk instill taqwa in myself, it won't be so hard either. i know i'm trying.

yang bestnye pasal ramadhan ni one thing la, setan dah xde. roomate aku awal2 dah pasang cite hantu sebab dia kata esok dah puasa kan, xdela takut sangat. aku pun fikir camtu. macam aku tido pun menelentang je. selama ni aku tido memang wajib mengiring sebab kalau tido terlentang kan benda tu senang nak masuk. tapi tak senonoh la mcam tu kan. sepatutnya bila2 pun boleh buat macam tu sebab Allah ada dengan kita the whole time. kte sebenarnya takleh nak takut pun time bukan bulan puasa. tapi sebab hati ni memang lemah sikit bab2 ni..and usaha nak menguatkan semangat pun x banyak..so jadi lah aku ni mcam penakut sikit. takpelah. one day, that time will come when i can go to sleep menelentang without worry. amin.

tadi pergi blog pqa, she quoted sth that an ustaz said during a talk called transformasi diri:

Wanita yang solehah itu nanti apabila dimasukkan ke syurga akan diperbaikkan rupanya menjadi sangat cantik. dan sekiranya suaminya juga soleh dan mendiami syurga, dia akan dijadikan isteri kpd suaminya di sana bersama 70 lagi bidadari. tetapi wanita yg solehah ini akan menjadi yg tercantik utk suaminya.

i went like ohmyyyy! subhanallah!

this is like the ultimate goal tau. becoming an angel in heaven, and the chief angel for your husband..gives you a nice feeling, doesn't it? dahla bidadari syurga semua cantik2. kite pulak jadi yang tercantik (insyaAllah, amin) subhanallah bestnyeee!

that's why orang selalu cakap love a person for the deen in him/her kan? because if that love is pure and sincere enough..boleh sampai ke syurga! this is one of the nicest things i've ever read la. i wish i'd come across it before!

hee bestnyee! but imagine la..what does it take to be like that kan? it's hard, but one can always try. i've come across a lot of verses supporting us muslims to be better ones, and that Allah is always by our side. maybe if we just try a little bit harder..we can do it kan.

ni nak buat tutorial math pun malas =,=

ee tapi best la (tak habis2 lagi lol)

okeh. tapi ramadhan kali ni memang superb ah. alhamdulillah (:

Of hiking and the beach.

2011-08-06T12:35:00.004+08:00

#nowplaying Goodbye Lullaby by Avril Lavigne.

if you have been stalking my fb page, you would know that i went to a place called pantai kerachut. how did i get there?

i got there by hiking!

yep! we went hiking at penang national park. here are snaps. i stole them from marisa punya fb, and its not even hers. adoi me so teruk ma stealing in the middle of fasting. the shots were taken by a friend of a friend, his name is danail rahman according to his fb page (from where is stole the pixs from hehe.) i considered asking for permission to publish them here, but i doubt that they know about the existence of this blog, so rasa macam x kesah kot. yang penting, i have mentioned who the photographer is. i weren’t even tagged in these pictures. i only found them because i’m such a good stalker. muahahaha

The trip dah lama plan dah, even before balik cuti sem. so the proposed date was on the 30th of july. i didn’t expect it to be such a hit :D but it did sebab there were 30 of us in the group, with 8 cars in the convoy. super kan? 8 kereta! its so epic because i dont think i’ve ever been in a convoy of 8 cars, semua nak pergi hiking. even though ada yang buat tak senonoh sangat datang lambat (janji pukul 830 sampai pukul 11 wth kan hoho) taapi it was soooo fun!

kerachut was so pretty! hehe

since i haven’t upload the pixs from my phone, and these dslr shots are a thousand times better than my own shots, i’ll just put them up. maybe later i will upload the ones from my phone (:

heeee! finaly dapat buat collage (noob). i wish i can be rajin to upload my pixs and curi the other pixs from the rest of the people who joined punya fb for more pixs lah. sebab serious kerachut is pretty!

so anyone in kl wanna come visit me in penang? we can go to kerachut! :D

and paling feveret. ehik.

*sebab i tak resize this pix - just add the watermark, so size dia memang x bleh adjust >.<

but ahhhh my russel! :p

free your..

2011-08-03T19:24:00.001+08:00

i love reading this.

salam ramadhan.

i hope that all my good doings will be blessed, and mintak dijauhkan yang buruk buruk.

and yours too! (:

handling douchebags.

2011-07-26T17:16:00.002+08:00

how do you tell a douchebag that he’s wrong?

you CAN’T.

whatever you do, he is like stone. he doesn’t absorb, doesn’t react, doesn’t care. doesn’t ANYTHING.
he thinks he’s right. he doesn’t understand the simple malay language you use and he definitely is a red hot volcano waiting to erupt.

he is a douchebag.

if just one person tries to tell him that he’s wrong in so many ways, he thinks that the person wishes him dead.

WHAT kind of douchebag is THAT?

imagine if every person he knew tell him that he is wrong, i think he’d be really dead by now, unfortunately in his own hands.

that’s how douchebags are.

so biarkanlah dia dengan kebodohan dia. (quoted from someone.)

because Allah takkan ubah nasib seseorang if they don’t try to change their own fate first. (quoted from someone as well.)

so if you’re a douchebag, please realize that. and please please please be able to handle criticism and try to be a better person. if you don’t start, NO ONE wants to help you. because you are a DOUCHEBAG.

and i feel so sorry for you.

i only can sedekahkan doa that your heart be opened, and be softened. and also that you find peace. amin (also quoted from someone.)

#Scorpio#Virgo

2011-07-22T11:13:00.004+08:00

asna, please be aware that you are a virgo and i am a scorpio, and thats why i get super excited when i read things like this. it's funny how you don't know that you are a virgo. but then again, guys don't care about benda2 macam tu kan. haha!

but that scoropios typo is kinda funny, lol!

i know believing in this thing is a little bit macam khurafat? but whatever i know this is for fun. jodoh tu di tangan Allah. but it's nice la to read things like this kan. makes you wanna take care of the r/ship hehe.

but without these pun what the heck kan, we're still holding on (:

three months till we hit our 2nd year heee. go us! :D

ole ole oz.

2011-07-19T21:07:00.000+08:00

heee this is quite overdue. but better late than never kan?

soooo masa hari jumaaat lepas i was so freakin excited to be back home sebab first duh cuti mid sem, and then dapat balik rumah and makan lauk kampongan sedap2 and lastly and not at the very least i get to meet with my silly boy. kau hadoooo. hehehe

he got back from aussie, went to see arsenal, went to see me, went to a friend’s wedding, went to fishing, went to this, went to that bla bla bla. it’s the busiest i’ve seen him. even dah start cuti dua minggu lagi awal dari kitorang pun feels like xcuti je budak tu sebab we rarely see or text each other this past few weeks. serious! if it’s not him that’s busy with his plans, it’d be me busy with my own stuff. harry potter lah kenduri lah amende lah. phew baru balik cuti dah penat balik yew. (bajet.)

but i got these from oz! teehee!

kenny the koala is sooooo super cute. now mr jagung dah ada adik! teehee! that picture of me is pretty blegh i admit haha. but seriously i have no photographer angle ability or whatever you call it so that’s the best i can come up with to sample my new all the way from oz little handbag. hee! and some shortbread that is so superdelicious (ni macam marissa punya tagline nih haha) aand a table deco clock. that’s for the whole family. i thought that was quite thoughtful of asna.

lepas balik we went to tropicana for early dinner at kenny roger’s. thats how my kenny the koala got its name *wink. and asna went to get his haircut. seriously la no matter how pelik you hair looks like you still look good to me okay dear? (:

but maybe i like the longer hair better la. macam adi putra sikit hahaha.

i went out to watch hpdh2 (screammmmmm!) wearing tudung bawal. i wanted to use my i love emma watson tote, but i was too excited nak pakai my new oz handbag sampaii lupa terus pasal i love emma watson tote tu haha. kalau tak bolehla berlagak masuk dalam wayang like i’m the biggest emma watson fan ever. she is. so. pretty. okay.

hpdh2 nantilah borak. skrg cerita pasal ole ole oz. i like saying oz. i can’t help it haha sorry. thank you dear for all the gifts. we all love them. me lah especially kan sebab i yang dapat paling best hahah! (:

oh yeah before i forgot. look at my haaaands when i went fishing wiith asna!

it smells a lot like strawberry aaand the pink colouring still belum hilang. rasa macam pakai inai warna pink. dari mane datang tah. so beware la if your future/current boyfriend/husband ni suke pergi fishing. tengok tangan sape jadi mangsa. yuckeee. haha!

and sumpah malas gila nak pakai shawl haha! masa pergi kenduri pun pakai tudung ni jugak. senang kot!and serious less fussy. tapi if nak bawak pergi kelas fikir dua kali jugak ah. eerr.

identifying appreciation.

2011-07-18T12:33:00.000+08:00

i remember all those crazy things you said
you left them running through my head
you're always there, you're everywhere
but right now i wish you were here.
- Wish You Were Here, by Avril Lavigne

sometimes i wonder macam mana aku boleh terjumpa kawan2 baik aku kat dunia ni. what happened between us that made us so tight..and close and unbreakable? that distances and time never grew us apart, that misunderstandings never quite happened, that hurtful things never quite made anything hurt?

benda first yang aku nampak between us besties is chemistry. i love it when all we want is to eat sushi or pizza hut and all we want is to watch is harry potter or sisterhood of the travelling pants. i love it most when we go to the movies and laugh at all the jokes together. especially when other people don't get the joke, and we are the only ones who does. annnnnnnd when we go to cotton on and bought the same shirt sebab kalau beli dua dapat lagi murah hee! if sharing the same things that we like isn't chemistry, then what is?

when we have chemistry, comes understanding. kite faham ape awak rase, and kite rase awak pun faham ape kite rase (eh ini macam cinta pulak ni.) and it all goes without saying. suddenly, they're the ones that we go to to tell stories of the day. they're the ones we go to to gossip. they're the ones we go to when we get hungry pagi2 buta. they're the ones we go to bila nak pinjam baju. or bila nak beli baju baru. or nak buku cerita. or nak discuss pasal bersih yang confusing tu. we get each other. yang penting, we don't judge. ape2 problem pun, we see the good an bad side and we talk about it and we find a solution or conclusion. and problem solved! or even if it's not, we get it out of our system and do our best to overcome it. pergi beli chocolate, pergi makan, pergi tengok wayang, pergi shopping. we do everything together. sebab kite ade chemistry, kite faham, kite x judge. even if kite rasa kawan kite tu macam fashion victim, but that's who they are. kite terima.

bile ade understanding, kite boleh trust. ape maknenye trust ni? to me it just means no matter what, tell the truth. bile awak ade problem, awak janganla simpan simpan. fine maybe you don't want to burden me by telling me what is troubling you. but how come you don't trust me? talking things out have never made me feel worse. semua orang tahu tu. if you think i don't care, think again. kite bukan xnak dengar, awak yang xnak cerita. you know you can tell me anything. i won't tell it to the world if i know how important our friendship is. that's how you trust someone. no matter how bad, you can tell that person. orang tu xpayah tanye pun awak ade problem ke tak. awak cakap je la kat dia. surely, she will listen. besties always know what to do.

after trust, comes appreciation. we value our chemistry, understanding and trust. mestilah kite hargai persahabatan awak. there is no need to feel like you lost your bestie or feel betrayed if you could just trust and appreciate us. lepas tu awak janganla lupe kat kite. kite tak pernah lupekan awak. awak ni suke buat kite sedih cakap benda2 macam kite tinggalkan awak. sebab awak tak realize awak yang tinggalkan kite dulu. appreciate me, and i will appreciate you. don't forget me, and i won't forget you.

friendship is more than what's outside. everyone perlukan friends yang dependable, yang bukan hanya boleh pergi enjoy/meronggeng/merambu sesama but also friends who can give advice, friends who can tell you when you're wrong or insane or unreasonable. most importantly, friends who are there.

one last thing, lepas appreciation, comes sincerity. sincerity ni senang je nak tengok. em senang amek contoh ni la. please take note that thiss analogi is just an example ya.

awak dah lama x contact kite. kite tengok awak senang je dengan kawan kawan awak. ye la, duduk serumah pastu kawan awak ade kereta ape semua nak pergi jalan2 senang kan? nak compare ngan kite duduk kolej, xde kereta, makan pun simple2 je kat dewan makan. kite harapkan awak teman la kite duduk kat kolej. tapi awak xde inisiatif pun nak mohon kolej. kite sedih, tapi xpela. suke hati awakla awak nak duduk mana, itu choice awak. tapi kite harap awak tak tinggalkan kite. tapi lama2 awak lupakan kite langsung. hmm. xkesahla, awak ade life sendiri. awak tak pernah cari kite dah nak pergi tengok movie ke shopping ke ape ke. tapi one day awak ade problem. awak ada dua choice. awak diam dengan problem awak tu sendiri. atau awak cari kite.

kalau awak diam dengan problem awak tu sendiri, awak sebenarnya taknak kawan ngan kite. sebab awak tak percaya kat kite. awak taknak bagitau problem awak kat kite. awak sebenarnya tak appreciate kite kan? sebab awak tak percaya kat kite?

kalau awak cari kite, maksudnye awak sayang kite. sebab bile awak ade problem, awak cari kite. kite tak kesah pun awak tak teman kite kat kolej, tak ajak kite shopping tapi awak cerita problem awak kat kite. itu je yang kite nak sebenarnya. kite tak kesah pun sebenarnya kalau awak cari kite time susah je. because when you talk to me about your problems, i take it as a sign of trust, appreciation and sincerity all in one. tak susah kan awak?

so please, appreciate your besties.

i do. always have, always will.

silly boy.

2011-07-09T23:35:00.000+08:00

or rather, silly me.

day 1 - simple texts
day 2 - simple fb walls
day 3 - simple calls
day 4 - who knows?

and i thought we wouldn't ever contact each other these short 5 days that he's away.

it's true, good things come to those who pray. and when you least expect them. everything that he did for the past 3 days caught me off guard, and he has never failed at that. masa dapat text tu tak expect langsung (sangat happy waktu tu!) lepastu the next day i thought maybe he would text me again. tunggu punya tunggu last2 bukak fb ada gambar and wall sekali! happy nya! lepastu the next day i thought i'd get another wall post. tunggu punya tunggu tiba2 my fon rang with an unknown number. tup tap hello you have a call from australia! i was so speechless and macam tak percaya (unbelieving) that i was listening to his voice (poyo tak ayat haha). hee! everything was so..unexpected!

thank you dear (:

can't wait till you get back! two more days! hee!

what friends are for.

2011-07-09T11:49:00.004+08:00

And I remember how we used to talk

About the places we would go when we were

All and all that we were gonna find

And I remember watching our seeds grow

And how you cried when you saw the first leaf show

The love was pouring from your eyes

- Through the trees by Low shoulders

- non-judgemental.

you don't judge your friends. no matter what they do, you help them.

- listen.

no matter how petty or boring or untrue, just listen.

- be there.

whenever, wherever, however, whoever. no questions.

- sincere.

you don't expect things in return. you help out of your own kindness and sincerity.

- honest.

however bad, tell them, friends listen to each other. (refer point #2)

true friends never leave each other. regardless of distance, time differences, regardless of anything. i'm blessed to have friends like these. only, we far so far apart it hurts. it's summer now where they are though. many are coming back now (:

even more, there are those who are far away, but they've never been closer to me. thank you tirah, thank you ili, thank you piqa, thank you wana, thank you qill thank you hanna. you guys make me so warm inside when it's cold all over.

8hours.

2011-07-07T01:30:00.000+08:00

how can this distance be 8 long hours? o_o
bawah tu je kot T______T
the dashed lines warna merah tu is the garisan khatulistiwa kan? kan?
so that's a garisan khatulistiwa, three open seas and a whole other continent separating us from the aussies.
merentas benua habis. (macam ayat novel daaaah.)
i thought i knew what jauh meant, but i was wrong. this totally took me by surprise.
well, to 8 hours and a week then.

aaand. tabik spring to people in a long-distance r/ship.

mynn nampak cam nenek.

2011-07-05T18:05:00.001+08:00

that’s exactly what someone said to me in class just now.

my first reflex reaction was to roll my eyes. it wasn’t the first time that comment was thrown at me. like i’m some kind of scumbag who doesn’t know how to dress up. cermin lah diri kau. pakai beg putih crocs tu tak nampak macam atuk orang pulak? atuk orang pun x pakai beg crocs tahu! haha! sape yang makan cili terasa ah pedasnya. kau honest dengan aku, aku pun boleh honest! hehe

honestly, i don’t care about the comment since it came from you. if the comment came from mama ke ayah ke, serta merta aku pergi tukar sth. ni kau hanyalah seorang classmate yang tak pernah menyenangkan hidup aku..so why should i care?

em, aku bukan nak marah ke apa. i’m just trying to point out that your opinion don’t matter to me. in fact, thanks for the comment! bila aku dapat comment macam tu, aku tahulah kalau lelaki lain nampak aku pun, rasa mcm nenek sesat je tengok aku. alhamdulillah, sebab aku berjaya untuk buat lelaki tak pandang aku. kalau pandang pun, dorg tak fikir apa2. aku lagi prefer when guys look at me, i'm like a wallfllower rather than a flower. that way senang nak detect mana satu yang betul2 appreciate aku. plus, kurang la dosa dorg tengok perempuan kan?

hmm, kelas tadi kan sejam je..aku malasla nak put effort banyak2 untuk kelas yang x penuh pun, xcukup sejam pun sebenarnya tu. buat apa aku dress up lawa2 pergi kelas camtu kan? xkan nak pakai lawa2 semata2 pasal kau ada dalam kelas tu? peliklah wei.

some people yang dress up lainla..diorang kan memang macam tu, they like to present themselves well, it’s a plus point (: dah orang mcm aku ni pemalas nak buat macam mana kan datang kelas nampak macam nenek? to me less is more, simple is better. aku tak perlu nak your stamp of approval for what i wear.

orang2 yang kenal aku tau macam mana aku dress up kat luar. aku prefer to dress ikut occasion. kelas sejam macam tu aku prefer pakai macam tadi jelah. tudung bawal, tshirt, cardi, jeans. ape yang nenek sangat pun aku tak tahu?

aku pernah baca somewhere..cantik tu bila the beauty is hidden. tak payah nak tunjuk pun kita cantik kan? orang yang appreciate kita nampak cantik kita kat mana. and sometimes even if kita tak cantik pun, they still care and see me as something worthwhile. kalau bukan luaran, it must be somewhere else. aku rasa kau maybe takkan faham la kot ye? haha!

so tak payah la nak ckp orang dress up macam nenek. you don’t deserve my best when i dress up anyway (:

messing up.

2011-06-28T08:43:00.000+08:00

lately i feel so volatile. people close to me are in danger of getting some of my..dinosaur mode (bak kata tira in her blog.) i don't know why but.

i'm really messed up sometimes.

padahal benda tu takde apa pun :(

no, we don't get bored.

2011-06-26T01:31:00.003+08:00

this is killing me. i wanted to wait before i write this, but i can’t. i have to.

so tadi masa bukak fb ada status ni sebut: kalau couple kena keluar dating hari2 ek. ee tak bosan ke~ (needless to say, orang yang buat post ni adalah single.)

when i was single, aku tak pernah terfikir mcm ni bila nampak couple tengah dating. aku rasa jeles adelah. haha! honest ni! xde pun persoalan2 negatif macam couple tu haram ke ape ke timbul dalam palotak aku ni. lagi la nak fikir wether or not dorang bosan jumpa each other hari2 ke tak. tak terfikir pun! ee suke tau tengok orang happy! i was just happy for them that they found someone to hang out with everyday, someone who accepts them, someone who likes them the same time they like that someone.

you see, when you like someone, there’s never a dull moment. for example with your bestie. kenapa kita suka hangout dgn bestie kita selalu? sebab kite x pernah rase bosan ngan dorg kan?

ape lagi dengan someone yang even more than a bestie? a lover, boyfriend, balak, pakwe, whatever you want to call it. kenapa orang couple in the first place? sebab they enjoy each other’s company, and they feel like..that person is the one they can share stuff with and you accept them for whoever they are. even if kau tu in other people’s eyes bosan ke tak cantik ke, if you are his kind of person, he won’t be bored. and how can there be a dull moment?

unless the flames died, of course. tu xleh nak buat ape dah, and i don’t like to go there. it’s a dark, dark place. literally.

tapi xdela semestinya kena keluar hari2. lain la kalau dah kawin kan? sebab tu orang kata bercinta lepas kawin tu best. sebab lepas kawin dah terus boleh buat semua (kehkehkeh) tapi bercinta sebelum kawin terbatas, kena pandai jaga limits. tapi kan best jugak kalau bercinta sebelum dan selepas kawin? haa. betul tak? bercinta before and after kawin. its not that bad what. and it’s not impossible. sape cakap it cannot be done. i have a very easy example; my parents. they are proof that relationships before marriage works. and a lot of other parents, too, i believe. (:

if he’s really the one, bercinta lepas kawin laaaaagi best dari bercinta sebelum kawin. dari time muda2 sampai ke tua, with same person that you have known and loved for a long time. sebab all your shared dreams time sebelum kawin..you get to live it.

tak minat betul orang single2 ni bashing orang tengah couple cakap couple tu haram la bosan la menyusahkan la merugikan la ape la. why do you have to think so negatively? hey, if two persons are perfect for each other, nothing can go wrong; they just got lucky they met each other before you met whoever it is that you’re waiting for and you’re just bitter that you haven’t. hah take that (emo kejap.) if the relationship is mature enough..i think there should be no problem. if it is mature enough..xdenye nak jadi case macam fail satu subjek sebab asek keluar dating, xdenye nak jadi case allowance bulanan habis dalam masa seminggu, xdenye nak jadi study x sempat nak catch up ape sume. in fact, it makes everything easier to deal with.

you just have to meet the right person.

dah tu kalau jadi jugak, tau2 je la the relationship is not working. but if the relationship is making a person so much better than before they were in it, there is simply nothing wrong about it.

rileks sudah~

this actually reflects how happy (and lucky) asna makes me feel. i don’t see a flaw—yet—in our r/ship. sometimes i think it’s me that is the flaw. because, duh, me being a girl with many up and down moments and insecurities. sometimes i hate to think that i could be the reason if we didn’t work out. it wouldn’t be him, he’s too unbelievably good. so if it’s not him, then it’s definitely not gonna be me. so conclusion, this will work.

so yes, i got lucky. but fikir balik, i had to wait 18 years for this. which goes to say: all is fair in love and war. (:

and actually i just came to a revelation. eventhough i dont think i’m pretty, maybe..i am his kind of pretty. and eventhough i think i’m boring, maybe..i’m his kind of boring. maybe that’s how he never got bored. or at

least, i hope he wont.

senang kan? amende yang bosannye pun aku tak tahu lahh.

ps// tadi tgk search keyword dekat statistics blog ni..ada yang type tumblr "lost and found". does that mean they were searching for my tumblr or a tumblr for things that are lost and found? hmm. duh if ada org search for my tumblr, super terharu kot! :,) btw, its here. hehe

don’t cry.

2011-06-18T23:25:00.000+08:00

i should put on my armor
the next time i see you so i won’t be harmed
but i know i can shoot my own arrows
i’m sorry i hurt you.
- Lenka

i love quoting lenka. nothing works like her. (that’s also a line from her songs *wink)

everyone’s had their down moments kan. so here are things i would try to do (in future) if one of those times hit me again. well, i wrote about one of mine (down moments) last semester, and mama told me many things to do to overcome it. but the one thing i really absorbed was this: don’t cry.

lately i realize i’m just so sensitive, and i realize i have so many insecurities just waiting to make its appearance. i don’t know how i’m going to handle them all, but right now i know i’m not doing it really good. but i do have some heads up. some clues. some pointers. whatever you want to call it.

one is, don’t cry. no matter how hard its hitting you, how upset you are. it just shows how weak you are. sure, letting down the tears help sometimes. but i’ve had enough of that. i don’t cry. its not my stuff. only lately the tears have welled up so much and i wasn’t able to hold it up. especially when there are people who cared enough to listen to my stupid insecurities (you all know who you are.) i think i’ve shed enough of them to shut down the wells for some time again. i hope they won’t break again, except maybe when i get my anc next year when i grad (teehee). i think crying is useless. why cry, when the person you cried for doesn’t even know, or care? so no, i’m not worth that. plus, how many times have i watched rachel berry cry and say to myself, how stupid she is when she cries over something so immature, something so small, and something so unimportant? there are many other things in front of her that she didn’t see that could make her life so much more happy and worthwhile, something worth laughing for. which leads me to my next point.

focus on things that makes you happy. this is something that a very good close bestest bosom friend of mine said to me, only yesterday. she had gone through the rough patch that i’m currently going thru, and what she said meant a lot to me. i started to implement it right away! i got in touch with all the things that i love doing, like reading my storybook (countless of them!) and i stocked up my skills on something new that i recently got my hands on: autocad. i love it! we’re taking an autocad course this semester, and i ditched all my other homeworks so i can practise on the software, and i don’t know what else i can say to express how much i’m enjoying it! Hee! i’ve always loved something to do with a computer software (like the c language i did during foundation, the visual basic i did during my first semester, and now, autocad! plus photoshop!) it’s just that no one’s ever really showed me the ropes around all these things, and eventhough i’m super interested in all this computer stuff, i’m just not passionate enough to learn them all by myself. my bad, but there you are.

next i get busy, even though it’s only by myself. just do anything. i found some interesting diy handicrafts online, and i’ve tried making some of them. they’re fun! even though it sounds lonely, but really, loneliness is better than bad company. rather than busying myself with thoughts about what did i do wrong and why do i deserve this..just get busy so i don’t have to think about stupid thoughts that only brings my mood down deeper than the darkest depth in the sea. (hyperbola >.<) seriously! once i start to think negatively, i snowball it and it becomes so hideous and unbearable. i hate thinking those stuff. so what better way to ease it out of my mind, other than getting myself busy? (: if it gets too lonely (and it does, really) i just wrap myself around these words of wisdom: loneliness is better than bad company.

but you know, the best way is always this: use your free-of-charge postpaid line. u never have to pay for it. prayers. u don’t have to do anything. just pour your heart out..ask for goodness equally. the tension goes away, if you pray hard enough. good things dont come to those who wait; they come to those who pray. (i love this quote!)

so to explain my choice of lenka lyrics this time, it simply means that i’ll be careful and ready next time u try to hurt me (wether you know it or not.) and if you hurt me, i can also hurt you equally. if i keep quiet, doesn’t mean i have nothing to say to you. it just means that if i did say what i want to, it would hit you right in the jugular, causing extreme hurt, and most probably be the cause of severing any kind of relationships we ever have. but i won’t choose to do that. i choose to put up with it and be the better person. savvy?

ahh sometimes it’s tough being a girl. we have so many emotional twists and turns! especially when one of my bad traits is to overthink, make assumptions and place expectations. if there’s anything i can wish for..it’s probably be to like, reduce all the said traits. they’re so negative as it is. it also doesn’t help that it comes naturally.

and please know that if when i write this kind of stuff, it's not necessarily happening to me. i just need a reminder of what to do if i ever got down again. like a guidance, a bookmark. to remember.

okay. let’s get through it! (:

My fav shows.

2011-06-07T12:55:00.001+08:00

and why i like them.

my world is full of loveliness,
but i focus on the stress.
- Lenka, 2011.

there’s so much i’ve watched and i don’t think it’s enough. there’s so much i’ve learnt, and i wonder why i still mind my problems. i should be taking examples from all the movies and series i’ve watched and songs i’ve listened to because people who wrote about them all have gone thru them and get passed them, but i don’t seem to be able to. because when i hit the bottom, i hit it hard. i do find my way back up, but it’s almost always not easy.

sometimes i wonder how writers build their story. it’s so amazing. take the latest pirates movie for example. how did they come up with all the brilliant twists and tricks that they portray through jack sparrow? take the black swan movie for another view. how did the writers figure out what to do with nina? how could they kill their own character? i for one if i were to write a book i wouldn't feel like i ever want to kill my heroine. did they feel a sense of closure to the story when they kill the main character? how does one do that? and lastly let’s consider the glee episode when sam was seen at a motel with kurt and quinn. what ran through your mind? and compare it with the real story. just what did the writers think about when they wrote what happened?

i mean, these people are just really talented. and gifted. and amazing.

so my current fav show no 1 right now is:

Glee. i love rachel’s voice. and then i love quinn’s cheerleader looks. and then i just got to love everyone on the show. how they overcome their differences and work hard to get what they want and live their dreams. its not always easy. there are lots of unnecessary drama and pointless arguments, but it’s what keep us going kan? i think most of the songs that they cover make up for the heavy plot about all the love triangles/squares. i dont get why people dont like glee. i dont think they ruin songs. i think they did what they like and sometimes, made it better. but then again of course originals are always best. that’s how they won their first regionals right?

second, i’d say himym. this show is phenomenal xpayah cakap la kan. dulu monday nights ada fraser’s dekat star world astro. sekarang dah ganti dgn himym. i think i’m lucky enough to have started watching the show betul2 masa dia start. so the names were really familiar and i just get what the story is about. furthermore all the characters are people i can relate to sebab i have friends exactly like them all. i have written about this somewhere. and the jokes! they’re so funny i can’t even. himym ni betul2 lesson-of-life type of story la. in every episode you would find something that you can relate to and go like #EhSamalah. kankankan? or if that’s not the case you would prolly feel like you know..macam this series is seriously super great and you just want to see what’s next. and who the heck is ted’s wife.

next is a choice between chuck, vamp diaries and gossip girl.

i’ll go with vampire diaries. i think elena looks good with damon, but she also looks good with stefen. i think caroline looks good with matt, and also with tyler. and i don’t agree with bonnie and jeremy. i liked jeremy with anna most. they were so cute! and short lived. >.< i’m so torn as who are my favourite couples! i’m so thankful i don’t write this story because i won;t be able to decide who i’d pair them all with. but i wished i wrote them because it’s so great! but this show is not all about love triangles/squares (again.) the story go back to a 1000 years ago when vampires and werewolves started to roam our earth. and witches turning bad and becoming good here and there trying to maintain balance. they’re also about family..siblings (hot ones) who always look out for each other. and most of all, i like the supernatural stuff going on. myths about vampires, werewolves and witches coming true (and not). and also damon. who’s in team damon with me? ngee.

if i were sarah walker, asna would be shaw (that’s what he said when i asked him >.<) i don’t understand why he’s trying so hard to answer such questions with wrong answers (if i were selena gomez..he would be jayden smith. my funny boyfriend =,=”) so yes. chuck. geeks and computer nerds and awkwardness. who doesn’t love a cute geek’s brilliance? i think chuck is so cute and brilliant in his own awkward geek way. and what a hot snag for a girlfriend kan. at first i was so jealous with sarah walker. i didnt even like her and googled and wikied her with envy in my head. because asna was so into her. haha! but that’s all over now and i like looking at the cute secret agent couple getting married and being so good together. i haven’t watched the latest episode so i don’t know what’s going on eventho i do know some stuff (i have a live talking spoiler telling me all about it every time we meet. i dont want to hear them, but i don’t know why i actually do!) and i wanna see ellie’s baby!

lastly, gossip girl. i love serena’s angel personality, but i adore blair’s fashion sense. so elegant and clean. altho she isn’t very clean herself. i like this show because i get to see how the rich and famous lives are like. maybe they’re not the real thing, but it’s something. i get to see how spoiled and fortunate people are, what makes them deserve what they have and what makes them don’t deserve what they have and most importantly at what price all the wealth and riches come at. they may look like they have everything, but sometimes they just don’t. plus there’s also the amazing, unpredictable r/ships and secrets from the dark past all just waiting to be rolled out in the open. i don’t know..cerita ni is like so mesmerizing with all the drama and fashion. their clothes..is something like inspiration. blair lives out my own dream with her fashion sense. if i ever had that much money, i would just copy her ;p ahh when will i get to watch the next season agaknya. till then, xoxo.

i mean, these are just some of the shows that i watch. back home where there’s tv and internet lagi banyak benda yang i cant miss. there are other aged shows that i have and still watch, but these are the current ones that i am into.

plus, ni baru english punya. belum masuk lagi yang korea2 punya.

i like watching these series because they generally focus on so many different aspects of life, but in the end they give meaning to it (life.) it’s always changing, unpredictable..but they’re all the same.
plus, i get to learn english. hee!

yang korea punya of course la i learn hangul kan!

lenka was right, this world is full of loveliness. and we only focus on the stress (that is, sometimes i let my problems cloud me from seeing what’s in front of me.) kan!

okay, kamsa hamnida for reading! ^^,

lepas satu, satu.

2011-06-02T00:31:00.000+08:00

haritu a video of a (stupid) girl kissing with her boyfriend depan klcc went viral dekat fb. lepastu pasal rempit2. lepastu pasal budak perempuan kelantan comel2 fistfight depan sekolah. lepastu isu makanan halal/x halal dekat banyak restoran digemari ramai.

and we call this country a muslim country?

entahla, aku rasa betul, memang susah nak qualify as a muslim country. aku bukan nak berpolitik, but lately there’s just too many issues..and aku rasa macam all of them are pointing directly back to the same question. macam ni ke negara islam?

isu halal dengan tak halal pun x setel langsung. sampai orang semua dah naik muak nak fikir halal ke tak halal. last2 semua sumbat je. dah tuuu nak makan meatballs pun susah, pastu barang yang digunakan untuk buat kek pun dipertikaikan =,=

and latest, a 14 year old girl yang gaya boleh buat semua orang yang dia pernah couple with go into juve with her. sumpah aku cakap budak ni sangat advance. fourteen! and dah mengaku buat benda macam macam. aku baca blog dia, sumpah seriau. aku macam kesian, and i wonder wether her parents know about the existence of her blog. masa mula2 baca pun aku dah tak minat dengan bahasa dia sebab so much cursing going on (start2 je aku dah x suka sebab ada banyak perkataan x elok) lepastu bila baca lagi tengok budak ni macam dalam seminggu adalah jugak 3 kali tukar boyfriend, and semua boyf dia tu dia announce dekat blog siap dengan gambar lagi.

omg form two. when i was that age, all i cared about was cristiano ronaldo and a stupid unrequited crush.

it makes me feel so relieved that all my 13yo sis and 12yo brother care about is some korean artists and counterstrike, respectively.

but that 14yo punya blog..i know that its her right to write whatever it is that she wants, but. everything has its limits. even i have been told to remove some of my posts due to privacy. i know she’s 14 and too young, but..it surprises me how she seem to not care at all about what people are saying about her. there is even an fb page hating on her! i mean, if i were her, i’d be crying till the world end wondering what is wrong that everyone hate me so much and see the error of my ways and delete the blog.

but no. every 5 minutes, her blog gains 10+ followers.

and what she wrote in the blog..it stayed, people are still reading it. and by what it looks like, she is letting it be.

i wish somebody would show her the right way. ya Allah, kau tolonglah dia. she needs it.

ps thanks tu suru for tipping me off about it on twitter. her blog’s name was trending kot. and for some reason, x payah bagi link dia kat sini. sooner or later, i know most of you will know it already. #sedih

sem break: konklusi.

2011-05-27T02:18:00.005+08:00

makan at carl's jr

makan at fullhouse

~~makan at dave's deli subang parade~~

makan macarons

makan pavlova

~~makan meatballs at ikea~~

~~remind (and ikut) asna pergi renew ic~~

~~be more helpful at home~~

finish my kdramas

finish my two books

~~meet up with spam~~

meet up with tira

meet up with hanna

~~bake cookies that ayah loves so much~~

learn to cook more homemade recipes from mama

~~worry less about things regarding school (college, results, etc)~~

~~buy a new luggage sebab luggage lama dah useless (the handle patah so that is seriously one solid reason)~~

haha!!!

hari tu terlupa nak tambah or expect things like:

shopping
watch english movies instead of k-dramas
makan at places yg x pernah makan spt marche, d’arab cafe dan em em em hihi
masuk treasure hunt!
beli novel melayu
tgk ulangan glee, himym and masterchef kat tv hari2.
x pergi tgk wayang langsung sbb TERLALU BANYAK OWESEM MOVIES xtau nak tgk mana satu tsk.
pergi bowling and x berasa sgt loser ;b
start guna twitter (seriously! noob! ;b )

and paling sedih (!):

xdpt jumpa tira and hanna :,(

now esok nak balilk dah. :/

xpelah. next sem ni rasanya dah x serabut sgt mcm last sem kot. banyak beno resolutions yang aku buat last sem (seperti spend less and try to habiskan tutorial.) semua resolution tersebut boleh dkatakan berjaya di-accomplish. so sem akan datang ni just maintain and perbaiki apa yang aku dah buat last sem. and paling penting tolongla promise kat diri sendiri untuk naikkan lagi cgpa tuh. hee

i have high hopes for this upcoming sem. regardless, i want to make it one of the best yet. (biasalah tu azam
sem baru. tapi okay ape kan hihi)

masuk final year dah ni. nak grad dah ni (:

syukur.

2011-05-25T01:37:00.000+08:00

di sini saya nak tegaskan, i dont think i'm a genius.

still, syukur alhamdulillah. ada peluang lagi nak kejar anc lagi. hihi (:

congrats juga kepada semua kawan2 yang dapat mencapai target, atau result terlebih target, you go peeps! yang terkurang target, (like me in certain points) takpe perjuangan harus diteruskan. ada hikmah di sebalik setiap yang berlaku, insyaAllah.

and to asna, so proud of you. berbaloi study maths together kan (:

tadi buat ni!

2011-05-24T19:59:00.000+08:00

butter cookies! yum2!

sape nak? 3 bijik 50 sen, kalau 5 bijik singgit! berbaloi! haha jk

ee sedapnye. dah den nak poi makan! :DDDDDD #excitedgile

*pagi tadi ada satu balang penuh, skrg tinggal suku je =,= (terbukti sedap kan!)

aA + bB

2011-05-23T18:32:00.002+08:00

Excerpts -

Mungkin tak jumpa lagi. Atau mungkin tak ada agaknya. Nak kata dia jenis yang memilih sangat…entahlah. Rasanya macam tak la sangat. Dia bukannya ada senarai berkajang yang bertulis ciri-ciri calon suami yang dia nak pun.

Biasanya dia akan letak satu aje pengukur. Yang boleg dibuat kawan.

Somebody you feel comfortable with.

hehe terkejut x tengok aku tiba2 post pasal novel melayu? #pergh

sesiapa yang know me well would know that i never read malay novels. but then again justin bieber was right. never say never!

aku terpanggil nak bca hlovate ni pasal Mr. K. ada soalan dekat formspring dia ditanya banyak2 novel hlovate mana satu yang paling best, dia jawab buku ni. oleh sebab aku rasa apa yang Mr. K tulis pasal love love eww eww semua best2, i trust his judgement.

so buku ni boleh tahan jugakla. boleh buat aku tergelak n tersenyum sorang2, something that i’ve never done while skimming thru a malay novel. yang bestnya, hlovate ni perempuan. betul la, girls do it better ^^

4th weekend of sem break, Pt. 4

2011-05-22T21:15:00.001+08:00

LETIH.

tapi of course, seronok ^^

selasa.

ok kali ni nak start with hari selasa where i made vanilla muffcakes with qistina. because benda tu sebenarnya muffins that tasted like kenny roger’s vanilla muffins tapi sebab cupcake lagi glam dari muffins, so ktorg cakap je la ktorg buat cupcake. sebenarnya muffcake. cupfins. suka hati lah. yang penting memang sodap! the best part was that i did the batter almpst entirely by myself. that is, i weighed the eggs, the water, oil semua. and then mama tolong mix the flour into the mixer lepastu nak masukkan the batter into the cups memang qistina punya kerja sebab tak tolong aku buat batter hihi. it was so niceeee la the muffins. (in the end panggil muffins je). rasa macam nak buat lagi if it wasn’t a little tiring. i do feel like making more ta ta ta pi benda tu kalah dah sejuk memang tak sodap. dia kena makan panas2 baru best champion punya woo.

rabu

bowling + meatballs + shopping = F.U.N !!!

khamis

fishing pulok hehe. ni fishing dekat saujana utama. asna memang suka datang sini sebab dekat ngan i sweet gitu aww. #okaygeli.

gambar yang last tu adalah gambar umpan. macam alien kan!

kat sini ktorang x snap gambar together sebab segan. an hour into the activity ranai pulak pakcik2 yang datang memancing. kalau tiba2 aku kuarkan camera nak amek gambar sesama rasa mcam #okaygeli. haha. ok la tu ktorg ni segan nak amek pix di tempat orang ramai. yang dekat boling tu pun tak ramai orang. (tapi nak publish kat blog x segan pulak? –tett yela sebab manade org baca hihihi.)

jumaat buat apa yeh?

ohyeah! i started seriously reading one of the books i plan to finish this holiday. haha! lama gila baru nak seriously start. cuti nak habis dah pun!

so far it is, of course, so nice. stephen king ni sumpah adalah sorang mamat yang mcam psycho sikit kepala hotak dia. adakah cerita pasal the finger yang tiba2 muncul dari lubang bath tub? dan juga sebuah permainan gigi yang dah rosak tapi hidup dengan sendirinya kemudian membunuh mangsa? dan juga a place called rock n roll heaven yang penghuninya adalah2 orang2 zaman rock n roll yang sudah mati seperti elvis presley? ohmy memang such a captivating read, once you have the time to read on for hours. (maksudnya bila dapat mood and internet tiba2 bengong dan slow macam siput ~~babi~~.)

anyways hari ni jugak aku pergi bukak student portal for a nice surprise that help me lessened my worries pasal naik sem in a week’s time.

err xtaula nampak ke x but aku dapat tingkat 1 pulak kali ni. banyak pros n cons dia. yang penting, dapat. alhamdulillah hehe. tapi tu la, intake sampai 4000+ pulak uitm nih. aku x faham kenapa kampus paling kecil intake dia yang paling besar/ramai.

mama kata sebab our vice chancellor, prof sahol tu asalnya memang penang, tu yang macam dia nak naikkan penang tu. memang naik betul. kolej dalam kampus yang baru ada 3 dah bukak. nilam dan kristal sejak dua sem lepas and kali ni intan pun dah bukak whoahh. pastu ada bumper berbonggol2 nak masuk parking student. ~~memang best~~. grr.

anyways, let’s hope when i go register college next weekend (T____T), tempat masih ada and my name isn’t crossed out macam masa sem 2. amin.

okeh2 sabtu pulak!

sebelum tu nak ucapkan tahniah sebab anda (yang masih membaca) masih setia membaca sampai sini. maaflah blog ni memang personal diary saya sebenarnya. so memang panjang lebar. hihi

sabtu: treasure hunt! hihi B)

from bangsar to melaka, answering mind boggling clues and finally winning 12th place. out of 40 teams. for total amateurs in treasure hunting, i think we fared really well. rasa mcm puas hati gila babsss sebab menang nombor 12. hihi

sampai dekat melaka, sempat jalan2 kat jonker walk. #awesome!

best! heeee

malam tu pulak ada dinner untuk announce sape yang menang and reveal the answers to the clues. we scored 12 out of 30 questions. less than half yang betul tapi boleh tahan what! dapat lucky draw some more. yang paling best malam tu punya lucky draw ada 2 bb bold sponsored by celcom that they were giving out. memang bertuah gila yang dapat tu. because my name had been called out earlier, memang x dapek nak merasa dapat bb free. sebab bb tu was like the main event, the last 2 lucky draw winners je yang dapat at the end of the night. memang lama gila nak tunggu lucky draw yang dapat bb tu. makanan pun not bad la ada kambing! yum! and ktorang stay dekat hotel abad yang baru bukak jumaat lepas (which is kelmarin) sponsored lah kan by the treasure hunt punya penganjur.

the next day bfast ape sume, gerak balik kl n stuff. n finally now writing this post. wee!

hope you had a great weekend too! hihi (:

Day 03: A picture of you and your friends

2011-05-17T14:43:00.000+08:00

a picture is worth a thousand words. KD4A, dean dinner.

masa ni best sangat sebab dapat makan kambing bbq yang terboikkkk. susah nak lupa kalau kenangan tu involves super good food. haha

plus, everyone looked so good! hihi (:

2nd & 3rd weekend of sem break, Pt 4

2011-05-16T10:06:00.000+08:00

cuti punya cuti sampai lupa nak update! teehee.

weekends kali ni i spend most of it at home. weekdays pulak spent by bangun lambat, being lazy, main game, tgk movie, skype, fb, tumblr. oh and teman asna fishing. that pretty much sums up my activity this time around. sikitnya! haha

met up with spam (yayy!) finally dpt cross one of my many things to do masa holiday. (honestly satu je? =,=) welllll if we had eaten the meatballs at ikea, i would’ve crossed 2 of them butt we didn’t sebab we went to eat kfc instead. ramai sangat org kat ikea peh. tpi dpt makan tutti frutti hehehehe. and first time makan strawberry omg so masam. bile nak dpt rasa yang manis ehh.

these people are so gila! masa nak pick up mum je dah round kl sentral bape puluh kali. lepas tu end up mum lari2 masuk dalam kereta kat tgh2 jalan. iskk haha.

andddd i get to do some shopping. :D ANDD the marie claire uk that emma graced in december 2010. kalau beli the original issue, harga dia dalam rm20. tpi sebab now its already may 2011, so harga dya rm10 je. i bought it at kl sentral masa tgh tggu pqa n mum sampai. worth it! coz she’s super pretty! hee

actually cuti ni agak quiet. idk why, but i do enjoy waking up late everyday! hee. tapi memang konfem la ada pening2 lalat sikit kalau hari2 bangun lambat. lagi2 dengan heat wave ni. sebaik dah ada hujan. let’s stay hydrated though!

Day 02: The meaning behind your blog name.

2011-05-15T23:55:00.000+08:00

i know it says day 2 but i just can’t help it! *xsabar2 nak tulis post baru actually. teehee. plus i really have nothing else to do.

a tile of all my headers. i did them all *bangga

my blog is seriously a little bit of myself. i try to write things that come straight out of me. it's something that i want to look back in like a decade's time (insyaAllah) and i want to be able to laugh and like not have any regrets of whatever i've written. that’s why i kinda really love it. it's something i hold on to. if anything happens to me or if i just have to write and rant, there's always this place that i can go to and people who care can read about the things that i'm not able to say, but i want them to know about it. it helps me a lot.

okay my blog name. Currently, it’s lost and found. I choose that because I’m really sometimes super lost, because of all the confusion and complications of life. but sometimes I’m so happy with everything that I have that I feel like I’ve found everything. So I mix those two and simply call it lost and found.
in simpler words, it’s just another (whatdyacallit) impression on how life is. sometimes you’re up, sometimes you’re down. in my blog’s name case it means sometimes i’m found, sometimes i’m lost.

a little more about the headers. a lot were done using picnik, some using paint. xpernah guna photoshop coz it was too much for me. dulu ada try godek2 with photoshop lepastu malas sbb i was just lost n didn’t know what to do. maybe in the future if ada chance i wanna go to a photoshop course to learn some stuff. i know boleh belajar online je semua tu but it’s all so confusing and i need a real demo baru mcm ada feel. plus i lost all the photoshop setup when my ex-lappy crashed, so all hopes of exploring with photoshop crashed macam tu je. after lappy tu rosak i got really mcm malas dah. but then picnik and paint wasn’t useless pun kan for noobs like me? heheh. i loved all my headers. even the current one! so simple and i love the colour.

i love my blog. serious x tipu. (:

Day 01: A recent picture and 15 facts about me

2011-05-15T13:05:00.001+08:00

1. i am a true scorpio.
2. i may look quiet/blank but you have no idea.
3. i stare at pretty/cool/stylish people. a lot.
4. i live by the honesty is the best policy words.
5. i think there are very few, lucky people who can connect with me.
6. i suck at sports. period.
7. i love intensely and passionately.
8. indecisive. (bad career resume i know T_T)
9. i never diet. i just don’t see the point.
10. i am pretty materialistic. i’d chose a swatch over rm10 watches anytime.
11. i overthink. i really do.
12. i looooove boho/hippie style.
13. i don’t know how to wear makeup.
14. i like english. and arabic.
15. i am tone deaf. haha

people are getting engaged.

2011-05-10T18:37:00.003+08:00

left and right. announcements and invites are all in facebook for everyone to see and cherish the happy couple. is this my reality?

i forget that my friends and i are venturing into a new decade of our lives. with the number two newly (or going to be) embedded at the front of our ages..it feels surreal.

sometimes i do feel like i want to decorate my fingers with at least a promise ring. (or more commonly known as a couple ring.) it's a common sight for me to witness my friends wearing their promise rings. these promise rings i see my friends wearing ranges from the most common cheap rings to more exclusive ones like white gold. but mostly, of course people opt for the silver ones. i think promise rings are great - it's a sign of commitment. but i think it also works to remind you of what you promised to a person. if ever you were to break the promise anyway, it should be mutual. baru lah promise tu tak rasa sakit sangat to be broken.

it's like: if the guy was the one who proposed to wear the promise ring (and it should be that way) then when a time comes when they think like it can't work out anymore, they should flashback on the promise they made. don't just go like you hurt me big time, and now i want my ring back.

there's a dialogue between finn and rachel (in glee) that i can't forget.

rachel: i thought you'd never break up with me.
finn: and i thought you'd never hurt me.

i mean, this speaks volumes on how a guy's heart works.

anyway, my point is, rachel and finn never had a promise ring to start with. perasan x? rachel was the only one wearing that cute necklace with a pendant of finn's initial around her neck.

i'm starting to not make any sense.

i'm just saying, don't just get a promise ring just for the sake of trend. get them because you're serious about keeping a promise, and is committed to be with a person.

but then again if your intentions are good enough, xpayah promise ring pun xpe. (:

but sometimes i feel like i'm so naive and aku mcm xpayah nak pandai2 sangat tulis benda2 macam ni. sebab aku x pernah experience heartbreak. setakat heartbreak mamat yang aku suka tak layan/kenal aku tu biasalah..tapi nak compare dengan heartbreak yang bila kau dah beli couple ring semua dah rancang bape lama nak bertunang bila nak kawin bla2 tiba2 clash..i've never experienced it. so i'm writing from a pov of someone yang belum pernah rasa heartbreak tu.

i know feelings are something that we can't force. kalau tibe2 kite dah xde hati and rasa macam nak clash ngan dia nak buat macam mana kan?

wrong.

for as long as you can, fight for the feelings.

if it still doesn't work out, do it mutually. jangan hang pi simpan plak cincin tu (pada pendapat aku.) go bury it somewhere or buang dalam tasik klcc ke sungai gombak ke. biarlah benda tu clean slate. ni jap g sorg dah buang cincin sorg simpan lagi cincin tu siap pakai buat rantai ape sume kan dah parah?

if you can't let go, fight it. if not, end it mutually.

wahh dr. love haha.

entahla. aku rasa macam benda mutual tu paling penting if you want to end things. if not, sorang akan happy sebab terlepas dari cengkaman kuku besi dan seorang lagi merana sikit.

aku sebenarnya x pernah jumpa couple yang clash mutually. biasanya lelaki tu yang mintak clash. kadang2 clash tu sebab perempuan tu buat hal, jarang yang lelaki senanye. tapi in the end selalu perempuan tu yang ter-develop perangai pelik2. kawan2 pun jadi takut. kawan2 semua fikir haih aku risau betul ngan minah sorang ni bila agaknya dia nak get over that guy. seram aku tgk behavior dia.

i know, i know, healing takes time.

sebab tu aku kata kena mutual. xdelah parah sangat. kot.

ANYWAYS.

sometimes i do get jealous seeing these couple rings (have i mentioned this earlier?) but i've said to myself once that i'd want my engagement ring to be the first to do so..after i gave up all my chunky rings. it's true. i gave up my chunky rings after asna. it was something i wanted to do. and trust me, i had a lot of them. pretty ones, too!

congrats to those who are wearing legit bertunang ring, may Allah permudahkan jalan you guys. Amin. and if you're one of those people yang dah bertunang (if you did, please don't keep it a secret: happiness are meant to be shared!) please stay together and get married! and invite friends who love weddings (like me!) to come!

why am i writing this post under the assumption that all my engaged friends are reading this post? =,=

1 year, 5 months, 15 days.

2011-05-10T01:30:00.000+08:00

rasa macam xdepape compared to those yang dah bertahan for like at least 4 to 5 years, what more 20. baru setahun lebih? hingusan.

but we're holding on, aren't we? (:

what makes an idol?

2011-05-08T03:03:00.005+08:00

this (:

resources

(tapi mama jangan tekan link ni! haha)

muah. i love you ma (:

holiday things-to-do list.

2011-05-03T20:02:00.002+08:00

i'm a pretty boring person, so my list might not be a great one. but i'm pretty sure i'm going to have a good time doing them all with the people i love most (:

makan at carl's jr
makan at fullhouse
makan at dave's deli subang parade
makan macarons
makan pavlova
makan meatballs at ikea
remind (and ikut) asna pergi renew ic
be more helpful at home
finish my kdramas
finish my two books
meet up with spam
meet up with tira
meet up with hanna
bake cookies that ayah loves so much
learn to cook more homemade recipes from mama
worry less about things regarding school (college, results, etc)
buy a new luggage sebab luggage lama dah useless (the handle patah so that is seriously one solid reason)

good to know i have some plans lined up already, such as meeting up with beloved besties, a wedding to attend, and a fishing trip with asna. mother's day around the corner woot woot. what to do this time ya?

on another note, did you know there's a difference between macarons and macaroons?

1st weekend of sem break, Pt 4

2011-05-03T00:19:00.002+08:00

a little short story. sorry aku punya language memang ~~banyak~~ terkahwin dengan english.

------------------------------------------------------------------

jam menunjukkan tepat pukul lima suku. keringat di dahi dek menjawab paper final dikesat dengan penuh rasa kecewa. haih susahnya paper ni. betul2 x pernah jumpa soalan macam ni. terukla skor aku nanti, getusnya sendiri dalam hati. dia mengeluh dalam diam. risau, gementar. prospects nak pergi holiday in a few hours pun tak terasa. risau lebih daripada lega. at that moment terus dia terbayang dalam masa dua minggu, adakah dia akan tersenyum gembira atau sebaliknya pada saat result finals keluar.

ahh lantaklah. takpayah fikir. tapi risau jugak ni.

saat2 macam ni, dia memang x fikir panjang dah. selesai je berpeluk cium dengan kawan2 (perempuan) sekelas untuk berpisah selama 3 minggu, terus dia capai fon murah bersalut casing rubber biru dia.

"hello syg. buat apa."
"baru lepas kemas rumah (sewa). jom gerak."

belum sempat nak complaint pasal paper yang susah tadi, line telefon dari sebelah sana dah dimatikan. baiklah . jom kemas barang. hantar barang kat stor kolej, lepastu tumpang sikit kat rumah kawan sebab dekat stor boleh simpan tiga barang sahaja. lepastu boleh pergi holiday dah. jangan fikir pasal paper tadi, fikirnya.

"stor kolej bukak pukul 9 malam lah kak."
"habis macam mana ni ya? sekarang baru pukul 6. saya nak kena balik dah ni."
"kak tunggu sekejap saya contact orang lain."

sejam kemudian. keadaan dalam kereta saga arsenal tersebut senyap sunyi. penat, surrounded by sweat stench hasil mengangkut barang ulang alik dari satu kolej ke satu kolej. ditambah pula dengan kealpaan dia meninggalkan tas tangan di luar dewan exam tadi. buang masa betul aku ni, fikirnya sendirian. dahla menyusahkan orang nak pindah2 barang bagai, tertinggal handbag pula tu.

"sebelum pergi pulau, family i minta belikan dinner and some pinggan and toiletries."
"oh okay. lepastu kita hantar kunci rumah kawan i ni ya. i terlupa tadi."

more silence. memang banyak halangan sebelum sampai ke destinasi holiday. memang apa yang kita plan, xkan sama dengan harapan kita. macam ni lah. it was just nice thinking we could drop the stuffs dekat stor kolej and then just leave for the holiday. tengok tengok ada sahaja aral melintang, delaying all the expected rainbows and butterflies.

along came compromise.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"i segan ni dengan family u."
"biasalah tu. xde apalah, u kan pernah jumpa dengan diorang."
"yes, but not stay together like this. dengan family bff i pun x pernah. what more with yours."

dia kuatkan langkah, tebalkan muka. she had to go. nak tukar fikiran, it was too late. the moment she wanted to change her mind masa awal2 plan dulu, the rooms and breakfast buffets were already done and paid for. if she cancelled the whole thing, wouldn't she be so rude she would never want to see his family again?

"nanti kita jumpa with my baby niece and nephew, kita main2 sama2 with them ya."
"boleh, tapi u tahu kan i x friendly sangat dengan budak2. heck, dengan orang dewasa pun i macam tu."
"alah, x payah fikirlah macam tu. nanti kita snap lots of gambar pastu guna dp sama dekat fb nak?"

dia tergamam. dp sama? this is something new.

"dp sama? are you serious?"
"yelah. dp sama. kita kan x pernah buat lagi."
"i dah lama tunggu u cakap macam tu."
"i pun."

tersenyum dia kali ni. penuh harapan, happiness, contentment.

------------------------------------------------------------

dinner.

"nah, nasi goreng kampung untuk you."
"nasi goreng kampung?"
"kenapa?"
"u xkan tak tahu i x makan sangat nasi goreng ni?"
"kenapa pulak?"
"pedas."
"sikit je."
"emm."
"xpe, nah ambil mee goreng i. ni kurang pedas."
"kalau macam tu xpelah. i x lapar sangat pun."
"okay."
"still, xkan u tak tahu i x makan sangat nasi goreng kampung?"

bising mulut dia. maaf.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

breakfast the next morning.

"jom makan sandwhich."
"i x reti buat toast."
"u biar betul."
"i x tipu ni."
"jom tengok i buat. berbaloi ayah i suka bukak kedai roti bakar kat rumah."
"hah?"
"sedap roti bakar ayah i. roti panas2 tu dia cepat2 taruk butter atas tu. the moment the butter melts, cepat2 makan. rasa heavenly."
"macam yang u tgh buat ni?"
"ya. try lah."

gendang gendut tali kecapi. kenyang perut suka hati. jalan2 dekat pantai pasti best. pagi2 ni matahari x panas lagi.

"ada kuda lah!"
"jangan nak jakun. buat la macam kat rumah u ada kuda."

continuing the morning walk, she felt the sand underneath her feet.

"semalam mesti hujan. pasir ni lembab. x syok sangat."
"air laut baru surut."
"setelah sekian lama baru dapat jalan2 kat pantai with you hehe."
"kan i pernah kata dulu, tunggu sem 4."

tersenyum lagi. unbelieving, thankful. sometimes rasa macam apa yang dia dah pernah buat to be deserving something so good.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

lepas dinner.

"kita nak betting apa ni man u lawan arsenal?"
"em. meatballs ikea?"
"boleh jugak."
"tapi bosanla asek betting makanan je"
"nantilah fikir. tengok sapa menang dulu."

...

"sayang arsenal! apelah man u. HAHAHA."
"siot betul, orang kasi can je kot gol sebijik je pun."

abuse of each other's teams were continued.

"tapi bestla first time tengok match man u-arsenal dengan u."
"tapi u tido."
"penat la."
"lain kali xleh tido."
"nasib baik tak betting teruk2 tadi."

--------------------------------------------------------

teruknya essay aku. sumpah. anyways this was just to summarize a short holiday with asna's famy sebelum balik penang. it was nice. we get to overnight dekat pulau for the first time, and memang tak pernah terdetik dalam palotak ni that it would happen in such a way. (:

risau terhadap paper final tadi pun dah surut sikit. but it's still haunting me.

happy holidays!

2011-05-02T23:14:00.000+08:00

sometimes the challenges i face tell me that i'm not quite ready for anything that i want.

so when?

undoomed! :D

2011-04-28T20:12:00.001+08:00

jadi macam mama ni ha.

be strong, be a survivor.

nyanyi lagu survivor tu banyak2!

xmohla nangis2, ape la kau ni. emo je tahu.

dah2. salu kau boleh buat je.

aiyoo. dah xnak emo2 dah.

jadi macam mama ni ha.

mama terbaik. i love you :,)

but in my defense,

but all's well now. thank you ma. you're amazing.

feeling strangely doomed.

2011-04-28T18:56:00.001+08:00

sebab cpp lusa. i will give my best untuk paper ni.

pergi blog ara tadi, rasa okay sikit. everything she wrote in her latest post was everything i wanted to hear. thank you dearest. without knowing, you have lessened my worry. i will try to remember what you wrote, that:

ilmu itu daripada Allah. kalau kita baca buku dan diizinkan kita untuk dapat ilmu tu, maka adalah ilmu itu. kalau tidak, banyak mana kita baca pun, takkan melekat satu pun. ingatlah, kita mengetahui sesuatu itu kerana Allah mengizinkannya, and bukan sebab kita dah revise/baca/recall banyak2 kali. baca and revise tu adalah effort but the one yang decides wether kita menguasai ilmu tersebut adalah Allah.

niat kerana Allah
usaha bersungguh-sungguh
doa dan tawakal

plus if kita xdpt apa yang kite nak, itu bukan maksudnya Allah is denying what we ask, tapi dia nak test kesabaran kite, sejauh mana keikhlasan kite.

post ni bukan bermakan paper2 sebelum ni aku x ikhlas ke apa2 time belajar (sebab nak last paper baru aku tulis tiba2) tapi sebab paper cpp ni memang paling tough bagi aku. carrymark paling rendah (compared to the other subjects) concept paling loose, lecturer paling garang. walaupun buku nota aku yang paling tebal adalah cpp.

when life has locked me out.

2011-04-27T01:43:00.002+08:00

Lusa final maths. Hati aku sangat tak tenteram sekarang ni. Aku macam rasa aku ada buat salah. Tapi apa dia, aku tak tahu. Aku ni dahla jenis cepat affected by my environment. If ada benda yang berubah, aku akan nampak. Lepas tu, aku jenis oversensitive, overthinking. Aku rasa benda tu bukan salah aku pun, tapi rasa macam aku je yang penyebab benda tu berlaku. Bila aku rasa aku ada buat benda salah, aku mula lah rasa tak tentu hala macam ni. Macam mana nak start revise maths tu pun aku dah macam tak tenang langsung.

Aku perasan sekarang ni housemates2 aku semua tak bercakap dengan aku, kecuali beberapa. Aku rasa pasal semua stress final kot. Tapi xkan pergi makan pun dah xde sape ajak aku? Tsk. Maybe dorg tgk aku ni mmg independent and dah biasa jadi lone ranger, tu yg dorg tak ajak aku tu. plus schedule aku memang x tentu, jap g adela tibe2 pergi makan dgn asna. Plus kadang2 dorg ajak aku memang x ikut. Aku dahla jenis x reti mengajak. Bukan aku xnak jadi the one yang terkejar2 nak hangout dgn orang (pleaselah ego macam tu sangat tahpape) just aku x reti macam nak cakap eh jom pergi makan. Aduhai. Nak cakap macam tu pun aku fikir seribu kali. Mana tau orang tu tengah nak study ke nak ter-berr ke, ataupun dia senanye malas tapi sebab nak polite dgn aku, dia ikut je.

Aku macam senang nak identify kalau orang tu dia senanye macam betul2 nak atau xnak hangout dgn aku. Hmm. maybe insecurities aku kot. Sebab kalau aku rasa dia macam xpe je nak lepak together, mmg aku ajak macam tu je la, tapi kalau aku rasa dia macam xnak, tu yg buat aku susah nak ajak. Even dalam rumah ni pun, aku rasa mcm lone ranger sikit hehe. Aku x kesah pun, asalkan aku dan mereka xde ape2 problem yang boleh buat aku cakap belakang pasal dorg, and vice versa.

Muka aku ni tension sgt ke masa study sampai orang nak ajak lepak pun cuak?

Haih. Dah la stress gile. Memang cik j agak frequent melawat aku this past few weeks. Exam kali ni aku xtau la kenapa aku stress sangat. Maybe pasal aku dah banyak jugak buat revision, tapi concept dia aku xdapat nak grasp dengan baik. Haih. Aku takut ni. Sometimes rasa macam otak aku dah overload sangat2. Macam mana orang belajar untuk hidup? Banyak mana benda yang kita study boleh melekat dalam palotak ni?

Luas pemandangan, banyak pengalaman.

Jalan cerita Cinderella yang aku faham sejak kecil sampai sekarang memangla aku boleh ingat. Tapi benda concept material and energy balance yang aku susah nak faham, macam mana nak ingat?

Aku tau kite kena faham sesuatu supaya benda tu melekat dalam kepala. (sidenote lirik lagu yang melekat dalam kepala selalunya ada kena mengena dengan emosi kita, that’s why kita boleh faham, hafal dan ingat) tapi kalau cpp..xde kene mengena dengan emosi aku. How am i gonna faham cpp tu if I can’t connect with it at all?

Macam English. If u can’t understand it, how are you going to be able to speak it well?

Work hard. I know I know. Haih.

Haih, sape2 yang lepas jadi engineer memang hebat lah aku rasa. Serious sekarang ni aku rasa otak aku macam nak stop je berfikir. Macam pause sekarang boleh tak. Sometimes rasa macam I can’t go on anymore. Macam nak stop belajar, kawin jadi suri rumah. Senang. Risau pun pasal nak bersihkan rumah, nak masak ape, benda2 domestic. (it’s not funny at all)

Kalau jadi engineer, aku x sure kenapa aku perlu kisah pasal chemical reactions dalam boiler, condenser, etc. entah. Kadang2 I feel like I would stop here.

That means giving up.

What is happening to you dear sampai kau boleh fikir macam tu. L

Idk. Sebenarnya aku risau dengan subjek cpp ni. Entahla, I have a feeling my carrymarks memang flop gila2 for this subject. Dahla credit hour 4 jam. Walaupun aku sangat2 happy dengan carrymarks subject yang lain, sumpah cpp ni buat aku down. I feel like whatever result aku nanti, cpp ni jugak yang akan drop kan cgpa aku. Cpp buat aku x minat dengan course ni. Aku serious xtau benda ni. Lect pun mcm pilih kasih gila. Fine maybe aku yang tak cari dia. But I did sometimes and..she just wasn’t encouraging enough. Maybe cara dia mengajar doesn’t suit me that well.

Weh that’s your problem lah. Sejak bila lecturer kena ikut taste kau belajar, gedik.

Sepatutnya aku risau pasal maths, tapi cpp ni aku lagi takut dari maths. And I’ve never been scared of anything more than maths. Sejak aku sekolah rendah, aku paling cuak time exam maths. Ni 1^st time ada subject yang mengalahkan my ~~fear~~ insecurities towards maths.

Cemana ni. Aku rasa pasal dari awal lagi aku dah terlepas steering cpp tu. haih. Bukan apa. Benda yang aku faham masa 1^st class tu, bertentangan dengan apa yang diulang oleh lecturer. Lepastu aku macam dah tension, dengan lecturer tu style dia suka marah2 orang. Haih. Cemana eh. Bile kefahaman aku dah bercanggah and aku x boleh nak pergi jumpa dia direct lepas kelas sebab aku just dah betul2 out of it and kelas pun habis lewat, memanglah semua mood aku nak pergi consult dia hilang. Aku nak tanya apa kat dia pun aku dah tak tahu. Nak start revise mana pun tak tahu sebab input aku x sebanyak orang lain. Actually aku rasa input aku okey je. Tapi sebab subjek ni memang..like a huge burden tahu x. kalau aku tau kimia ada subjek ni, aku x amek course ni L

Dulu masa belajar organic pun x seteruk ni aku rasa. Organic tu aku boleh handle lagi. Cpp ni aku xtau la. Dahla everytime test, memang aku rasa macam eh aku ada study ke tak ni. Se-confident mana pun aku rasa dengan jawapan aku, dia tetap salah. Tension la macam ni.

Aku tak boleh cakap aku benci cpp. Teruk la macam tu. tak bolehh.

Habis nak buat macam mana ni. Nak final dah ni. L

sebenarnya aku dah lari jauh dari benda yang aku nak cakap. xpelah. sekarang rasa macam nak nangis dah.

plus ulser ni macam sumpah sakit.

mouth ulcer. T_T

2011-04-24T20:27:00.001+08:00

sakit apa lagi niii

ulcer pulakkkkkk.

common lah kan. sekarang ni bonjela aku ada dekat member. dia pun kena ulcer jugak. tsk.

aku ni jenis kalau aku sakit ape2 aku mesti cari lord google. aku akan cari sebab kenapa akau sakit, pastu benda tu dangerous ke x (paling penting) lepastu berusaha cari treatment yang paling practical. aku pernah search untuk istihadah, mata biru, and wisdom tooth. yang mata biru and istihadah tu aku xdela kecoh plak kat blog, tapi aku ada simpan link2 dia. nanti kalau aku sakit lagi aku buat. istihadah tu faham2 je lah amende.

yang mata biru tu..sebab ada orang comment mata aku warna biru haha. macam mat saleh aku rasa. tang bile plak la mata aku warna biru. ingatkan dekat iris. rupa2nya dekat sclera. mat salleh mendenya, sakit adela. meh aku tunjuk iris ngan sclera tu apa. hehe (ni ditujukan kepada kawan2 engineeering aku yang konfem2 x minat bio. kawan2 doctor aku xyah cakap a. urat2 sclera dgn iris pun dorg tau apa nama dia)

ha nampak x iris dengan sclera katne. sebaik aku minat bio (eh) so aku rajin nak cari kasi korg tgk. hehe

except kalau aku sakit kepala, aku xdela nak pergi cari sebab2 kenapa aku sakit kepala. nanti bertambah migrain aku. tapi nanti kalau aku rajin, time aku x sakit kepala aku pergila cari. tapi senanye aku dah boleh listkan sendiri kenapa aku sakit kepala, sebab dah biasa sangat. ergh (contohnya x cukup makan, terlebih tido, x suka exercise, pemalas, tension, sakit hati dgn orang, pemalas)

berbalik kepada original topic. so what causes mouth ulcer?

spicy food
gigi tajam haha bajet kau vampire
very super hot food
tergigit bibir
menurut sesetengah org, sebab body temperature kite yang fluctuate (sometimes too hot, sometimes too cold) pun boleh buat ada ulser ni.

hmm xtaula aku kenapa. xkan pasal aku selalu tiba2 makan ais, pastu bibir aku nanti freezing, pastu bile ais dah habis, jadi panas gile balik sebab cuaca memang omo so hot.

treatments!

tapi survey ni SEMBILAN TAHUN YANG LEPAS T_T

so ape lagi. air garam, bonjela..paracetamol. cemana makan panadol boleh hilang ulcer? painkiller je kot.

why do i sound like such a med student.

OH! plus..jgn makan benda keras2 atau pedas2. nak rasa azab, atau kau ni simply sadist, pergilah buat~

sources:

aku xkan taruk gambar ulser sebab geliw gilew.

such a quickie (update) coz aku sangat lapar. nak pergi makan roti yang lembut supaya ulcer aku tak sakit! hehe

not yet.

2011-04-23T09:17:00.005+08:00

selamat pagi, hello!

hari ni nak share satu video. i found this at my fav tumblr. i go to this blog everyday. (:

so here's the video. it's about stages in a r/ship. it's pretty long. ~~i know for one asna won't watch it~~. *he did watch it (yayy!) haha. but the girl in the video is called marissa and i went :DDDDDDDD buatla lagi banyak2 video with a girl named marissa, i LOIKE. hehehe.

Stage 1: Meeting

Stage 2: The chase

Stage 3: Honeymoon

Stage 4: Comfortable

Stage 5: Tolerance

~~Stage 6: Downhill~~

~~Stage 7: Breaking up~~

tau x graph constant macam mana?

like this.

so let's all stay constant like this graph lepas stage 4 yea?

don't create distance.

tapi macam mustahil for any r/ship to be that constant, up up and way je selalu.

which leads me to think of r/ship graphs as..sinusoidal.

asna said snsd was sinusoidal

(bahahahahahaha joke of the year; he really has no idea what snsd is)

so anyway..a sinusoidal graph.

because r/ships always have ups and downs.

just enough of both so we can learn how to tolerate each other.

hmm, i'm not very good at handling my own emotions however.

i know i need to keep them in check, to keep him by my side.

kadang2 kite tak sedar kite sendiri penyebab orang tu tinggalkan kite.

kadang2 dengar cerita kawan2 breakup pun, boleh terfikir no wonder lah dia tinggalkan kau.

bagus betul time2 nak exam bercakap pasal cinta =,=

feels like..

2011-04-21T22:37:00.001+08:00

nak tukar blog.

at least the url.

and making it private.